


Fairy Tale Fiasco

by sailorstar165



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Creepy!Sheril, Creepy!Tyki, Eventual Smut, Fairy Tale Logic, Fairy Tales, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Kissing, Lavi you idiot, M/M, Magic, Romance, Witches
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-25
Packaged: 2021-02-26 14:53:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 38,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23134195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorstar165/pseuds/sailorstar165
Summary: Lavi just had to open that book. Now Allen and Lavi are trapped in a never-ending stream of fairy tales. Could this get any worse?
Relationships: Lavi/Allen Walker
Comments: 4
Kudos: 46





	1. Don't Open That Book!

**Author's Note:**

> This was a cowrite I did with a friend a decade or so ago that I recently rediscovered on my computer. With her permission (and shock that it somehow managed to survive multiple computer deaths), I'm reposting it here for posterity with some edits for grammar and spelling.
> 
> I don't remember exactly when we wrote this, but I think it was just before the Phantom Thief G arc.
> 
> Sadly, I don't have our original description or chapter titles from fanfiction.net, but I do have our silly chapter notes at the end of each chapter. :)

"Wonder what's in this, anyway."

"Lavi, don't open it," Allen said as they walked to the church housing the Ark's gate.

"But I'm curious what's in it," the redhead replied, turning the book this way and that in the evening sun.

Inspector Link gave Lavi a withering look. "It's a book containing Innocence. You don't need to know what's in it."

But Lavi ignored the inspector. He continued turning the book, searching for its non-existent title. "What do you think's in it, Moyashi?" he asked, also ignoring Allen's twitch at his rather unfortunate nickname.

"It doesn't matter, Lavi."

"What, you're not the least bit curious?" The redhead dangled the book in front of Allen's face. "You know you wanna peek!" he taunted. "You know you wanna see what's in it."

"Touch that book, Allen Walker, and I'll make sure you eat nothing but vegetables for a year," Link threatened.

Allen shuddered at Link's threat of making him eat his leafy greens. But the book _was_ tantalizing. It had a kind of magical look to it. The cover appeared to have been through a lot, showing that it was very, _very_ old. He was tempted to take a peek, but another stern look from the inspector, and Allen dropped his curiosity then and there. He really didn't want to eat his vegetables. They were the worst part of his meal, and he would have skipped them altogether if they weren't so important to his strict diet. The strict diet that his dear stalker made him eat. No more pigging out for our little Moyashi; he had to eat_ healthy_ foods... blah... blah... blah.

But Lavi was determined to keep Allen interested in the strange tome. "Isn't it just calling to you, Allen?" he whispered, waving the book back and forth before Allen, taunting him with it. "Aren't you just _dying_ to take a look?"

Allen, though, was determined to not fall for it. The only reason Lavi was being so persistent with trying to make _Allen_ open it was because the future Bookman didn't want to get into trouble himself. At the very least, he wanted to share the blame. Allen caught on quickly; he knew what Lavi was up to.

"You just want me to open it so that you don't get whacked by the ol' Panda. Eh, Lavi?" Allen smirked. He now stood in the center of the church where the Ark gate would soon appear. "We can wait until we get back home to open it. I'm sure Komui will want to see it with his own eyes too."

"Oh! But I want to open it up now!" Lavi protested, acting a bit childish, but when is he never like that?

"Mr. Bookman's apprentice," Link said mockingly, "I don't think it's wise for you to even be holding that book. You're too curious for your own good." He held out his hand. "Hand it over. Now."

Lavi looked at Link, and then a mischievous smile played out across his face. He slowly lifted the corner of the book's hard, wooden cover, not taking his eyes off Link, just to see what the inspector would do to stop him.

Link glared and insisted on Lavi handing over the book, but all Lavi did was mock him more. Allen saw what was happening. Lavi was trying to open it; he was trying to open the book! Being almost as curious as the Bookman's apprentice himself, he took a step forward and peered into the contents of the book. Lavi still had his fingers at the edge of the closed cover, so Allen couldn't see any writing. He sighed.

"Lavi! Put the book down! You don't know what would happen if you opened it!" Link was ready to lunge at Lavi and wrestle for the book. The Bookman just grinned a little too happily...

And he flung open the book.

The page was blank, disappointing both the future Bookman and the cursed boy. Then, ink oozed out of the page, forming wet, curving letters that seemed to glow in the evening light. Before either could read more than "Once upon a time," the pages exploded into a white light that engulfed them both.

When the light faded, the book had snapped shut and fallen to the ground. Both Allen and Lavi were gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Allen- OMG, did we just get sucked into a book?
> 
> Lavi- I think it was a portal to some freaky Star Wars movie... Join the dark side, Allen... (holds hand out)
> 
> Koru- We have cookies!!!1
> 
> Sailor- And pockey~ ...And now two hot guys!


	2. What's Going On?!

_Something_ was definitely wrong with Allen's situation. He woke up not only in a bed that wasn't his, but also in a very large bed with floral patterns on the sheets. "What the-?" He threw the covers off.

Again, _something_ felt wrong. Allen took a good long stare at himself and almost died when he realized what that _something_ was. "Why the hell am I in a nightgown?!" He tugged at the frills of lace on the long sleeves, twitching as he saw even more decorating the bottom of the gown. Yes, something was off about his situation. He’d woken up in a large floral-print bed wearing a puffy dress; it didn’t get much odder than that. "Oh God, what is going on?"

He then noticed another problem. Lavi was nowhere to be found. He climbed out of the bed and called, "Lavi? Lavi, where are you?" When he got no response, he shouted louder, "Lavi, this isn't funny! Get out here and tell me why the hell I'm wearing this!"

This time, there was a response. Lenalee came in, wearing a maid's uniform, and curtseyed to Allen, who just stared like an idiot. "Good morning, Princess. Is something wrong?"

_Princess?_ Last time Allen checked, he had all of his manly parts. So why would Lenalee be calling him a princess? _Wait, Lenalee...?_

"Lenalee! What's going on here? Lavi and I were just messing around and then _whoosh!_ I ended up here in this gown and- and- nothing makes sense!" Allen launched himself at Lenalee, seeking comfort. "And Lavi! He disappeared! Have you seen him?"

Allen would have gone on with his barrage of questions, but he noticed Lenalee's new choice of clothing. "Lenalee? Not that I'm saying that your outfit is bad or anything... but... why are you wearing such poorly stitched clothing?"

Lenalee's short dress looked like it had been through the washer too many times and the seams were starting to fray. "Princess, you should know that we do not have any spinning wheels in our kingdom. They are a danger to you."

Allen stared at her, blinking several times in confusion. "Danger?" he repeated. What was she talking about? He'd seen spinning wheels before. There wasn't even anything sharp on them! Unless the danger she meant was splinters, there was nothing dangerous about them.

"Yes," Lenalee said. "They're a danger." She led him to a table with a mirror on it and forced him to sit. She retrieved a brush and started running it gently through his hair.

He turned his head so that Lenalee couldn't reach his hair for the moment. "What kind of danger?" Allen asked, not quite sure he liked how Lenalee was acting. This was getting weirder and weirder by the minute.

Lenalee pursed her lips into a straight line. "I'd rather not start the morning with such a dreary subject, Princess." She continued to try to run the brush through Allen's messy hair, but the boy kept squirming every time she hit a knot.

"Ow-ow! Lenalee! I think I can handle brushing my own hair! You've never had to do it before." He winced when she didn't listen and almost ripped out half of his hair with the brush.

"I have been doing this for you your whole life. Now sit still and let me finish." Lenalee pushed him back down on the cushioned seat before the mirror. Allen had little tears brimming in his eyes from the pain.

_Lavi, where are you? I think I'm going crazy._

* * *

Lavi woke up with just as strange a feeling as Allen had. His, though, was not caused by the girliness of the bedspread or the fact he was wearing a nightgown. No, he was dressed perfectly normal and was in a perfectly normal bed.

The strange feeling he was getting was that he was in a different world, and that didn't take much to confirm, as Reever walked in wearing a butler’s outfit and called Lavi "Prince" and did all kinds of other things that seemed out of character for him.

It wasn't until Lavi asked about where Allen was that he started getting worried.

"You're going to see Princess Allen today, remember?" Reever said, buttoning Lavi's princely jacket up for him, despite the redhead's protests. "Today's her sixteenth birthday, the day you're to officially offer your hand in marriage."

Lavi had to force down the laugh and assume a serious face. "What do you mean 'officially'?"

"Did you forget? Your parents and Princess Allen's parents have arranged your marriage. Today, you give her the ring and so you two can wed."

Again, Lavi had to choke down a laugh. So Reever _had_ said 'Princess Allen.' That was too funny. "So why couldn't I just ask her to marry me before?"

"Because of the curse," Reever replied.

"Curse? What curse?"

Reever frowned. "An evil fairy cast a spell upon Princess Allen so that she would prick her finger on a spinning wheel and _die_ on her sixteenth birthday," he explained. "A good fairy, however, weakened the curse so that she'd only fall into a deep sleep and be awoken by true love's first kiss. Today's her sixteenth birthday, so by the end of the day, the curse will be broken."

Lavi chuckled. “True Love's first kiss? What is this, some fairy tale?" Reever finished with the buttons on Lavi's fancy jacket. They were golden in color and made the sun that shone on them angle off in a new direction. Lavi couldn't help but feel that he was missing something. His hand traveled down to his thigh where he usually placed his hammer. "Gah! Reever! What happened to my Innocence?"

Reever gave his prince a confused look. "You still have it, Your Highness. Remember? You will be giving it to dear Princess Allen later on tonight. After you share a peck on the lips, that is."

If Lavi had had any type of liquid in his mouth, he would have sprayed it out like a busted water fountain.

* * *

Allen had pretty much submitted to Lenalee's maid-like impulses, though he was able to force her out of the room to dress himself. He'd be able to dress himself, right?

Wrong. Everything in his closet was a dress of some form or another. Slim dresses, poofy dresses... Everything a little girl would dream of. Allen had the sudden urge to bash his head against a wall. Why were there only dresses for him to wear?

Sighing, he grabbed a dark blue dress that wasn't _too_ girly-looking and slipped it on. Then there was a problem. He couldn't hook the stupid dress in the back, and so it was falling off his shoulders.

As he struggled with it, Lenalee came back in and clasped the back for him. "Really, Princess, what's gotten into this morning? Are you nervous for today?"

"Nervous?" Allen repeated. "Why would I be nervous? Is something going on today?"

"Well, of course," Lenalee said, taking a sash from the closet and tying it around Allen’s waist in a big bow. "You didn't forget your fiancé’s coming to break the spell on you, did you?"

"Fiancé?" Allen's good hand strayed to his Innocence hand to play with the glove as he sometimes did when thinking or confused. His eyes widened. He hadn’t noticed until now. _It's gone!_ He looked down at his hand, finding the glove missing and his hand perfectly normal. It was just like his other hand: normal and covered in pale skin. "What the?! Lenalee! What happened to my Innocence?!"

Lenalee raised an eyebrow at him. "What on earth are you talking about, Princess?"

"My Innocence!" He showed her his hand. "It's gone!"

The maid-girl stared at him a moment, then burst into laughter. "Don't be silly, Princess! You still have your innocence. You _are_ still a virgin, or at least you will be until you and Prince Lavi--"

But Allen didn't hear the rest of it. "P-Prince Lavi?" he said dizzily before the world went black around him.

"Princess Allen!" Lenalee caught the boy and tried to support the weight of his body. "Guards! The Princess has fainted! Please help!" Well of course he fainted. Not only was he being called ‘Princess,’ but now he was going to be wed relatively soon, and to _Prince_ Lavi none the less.

No knock came from the door; the guards just piled into the room to help out their dear princess. "Miss Lenalee, what seems to have happened to the Princess?" They helped the maid-girl get Allen to the bed. She held onto his hand the entire time. He wasn't cold, so that meant he wasn't dead.

"I reminded him of his engagement, and he looked really weak when I said Prince Lavi's name. Go get my brother, the royal family doctor! He'll know exactly what to do." Lenalee decided to stay at Allen's frail side as he lay on his bed, unconscious. "Oh, and make sure that King Cross knows of this. He won't be happy to know that his heir is out cold."

The guards flowed out of the room in a pattern, leaving dust clouds in their wake.

It took Allen a good half-hour to wake up again, and when he did, he couldn't remember what had made him faint in the first place. It was only when he saw Lenalee in her maid outfit watching him worriedly that he remembered. His stomach twisted into a pretzel at the thought of what was supposed to happen.

That's when the guards returned with none other than General Cross. Except, the general wasn't wearing his exorcist coat or his usual clothes. Instead, he was wearing a crown and a monarch's cape.

Lenalee stood and curtseyed to Cross. "You're Majesty, the Princess has woken up. I'm sorry to have bothered you with a trifle such as this."

Allen stared blankly at his master. Even in this world he had a bottle of liquor on him. Allen sensitive nose automatically sniffed out the smoke that lingered around the General. "Drinking and smoking as usual, eh, Cross?" The guards and even Lenalee gasped at Allen's reaction to the king.

"Your Highness! That is no way to speak to your father of all people!" Lenalee squeezed Allen's hand. "We don't want you to get caught up in one of his drunk rampages. Now please say you’re sorry!"

_ Father?! Oh boy..._

"I... er..." Allen really didn't want to apologize to Cross, and it turned out he didn't have to.

"It's fine," Cross said. "He's just nervous. It is _that day_, after all." He turned to leave. "Allen, you are to stay in your room until Prince Lavi comes, understand? You are not to leave under any circumstances."

Stunned into silence by Cross's reaction to his rudeness, Allen simply nodded. He'd lucked out. He doubted he could have apologized to Cross, even if he tried. The man had ruined his life for so many years, after all.

Once the apparent "king" had left, Lenalee rounded on Allen. "Honestly, Princess! What's gotten into you?"

Allen bowed his head. He wanted to ask the same question of Lenalee but kept silent. Something was up, and obviously _he_ was the weird one in this place and not the other way around.

"Are you just nervous about Prince Lavi?" Lenalee asked, her voice softening. "It's been a couple years since you last saw him, but I can promise you he's a good man."

"It's not that," Allen said, trying to hold back the hysteric laughter. "It's not that at all."

"Then is it the curse? Today's the day for it, after all."

"Curse?" Allen repeated. It was starting to make sense. The spinning wheel being dangerous... The curse or spell or whatever they called it... His being a princess... Everything was starting to make sense. "Oh God, I'm stuck in Sleeping Beauty," he muttered to himself, running his hand through his hair. Somehow—and he assumed it was the book Lavi had opened—he was stuck in a fairy tale.

"Princess?"

"It's nothing," Allen said, wearing his poker face smile. "Nothing at all."

Allen requested some alone time, away from Lenalee and away from the guards. They left him by himself in his room, which happened to be at the top of the tallest tower._ How very ironic..._ Allen paced around the room and stopped every time he came to his vanity mirror. His reflection always made him want to gag._ Stupid dress._ But he had to hand it to himself. He _would _make a very pretty girl.

"Okay," Allen told himself. "I know how this story goes, and I will most likely be put into a very deep sleep because my princess-like antics will make me react to anything shiny and pointy." He shrugged. "But I will prevail in not falling into such an obvious trap such as a spinning wheel!" Yes, Allen had it in his mind that he would be able to pull through this fiasco unharmed.

That's when he heard it. It was a strange sound, coming from somewhere outside his room. Curious, he stepped out. The guards were nowhere in sight, so he decided to continue following the strange sound.

_Click, click, click, click, click..._ Over and over again. Allen realized what the sound must be and stopped in his tracks. _No! I am not going anywhere near that spinning wheel!_

Still, something about the sound was hypnotic, and he found himself following the incessant clicking and wandering down the stairs of the tower. He continued trailing the sound, as if in a trance, and wandered down another corridor and through a door at the bottom of some stairs.

There was an old woman sitting at the source of the sound: a spinning wheel. The old woman fed in the wool, which the wooden machine spun into long threads. She didn't stop working when Allen entered, but she did acknowledge him.

"And why would the lovely young princess come see an old spinstress like me?" the old hag asked, feeding more wool in and getting more thread out.

Allen was in a trance. "I heard a noise. Might that be a spinning wheel?" He barely managed to get the words out; they seemed to be stuck in his throat.

"Why yes, my Princess, this, in fact, is a spinning wheel." The old women's words dripped from her mouth like poison. "Are you interested in the work of spinning thread?"

Allen took another step forward. No, he did not want to learn how to spin thread; he didn't even want to be walking towards the machine because he knew of its danger. But those damned feet of his kept him moving at a steady pace.

"_Yes."_ The word that Allen was aiming for was not the one he said. "_I would love to."_ In his subconscious, he was screaming in protest, but his body would not move the way he wanted it to. Instead it went against him, and he finally reached the spinning wheel where the women sat.

"Go ahead, _touch_ it." She cackled as Allen went to touch its shiny point.

Allen's finger moved on its own, despite his mind's protests. He hesitated, but only for a moment, before his finger touched the point.

There was a sharp stab of pain—too much for just a pricked finger—which seemed to spread through all of Allen's body in seconds. Allen stumbled away from the spinning wheel, shocked and in pain. The world was spinning around him and slowly getting darker.

_No..._ He tried to keep his eyes open but was slowly failing at this task. _Someone... please help..._ His eyes slid closed. _Lavi... please..._

* * *

Lavi stood in his highly decorated room. The room's beauty stung his only eye. "Yeesh, I'm not one for this kind of luxury." His single emerald eye drifted towards the door on the other side of the large room. Slowly but surely, he walked over to the door and pulled at the iron handle. As the door opened, it shrieked because of its rusty hinges. He was trying to be stealthy, like Bookman had taught him to be, but the shuddering sound caused his guard, just down the hall, to look his way.

"May I help you, your Highness?" He saluted his master and walked forward towards the Prince.

Lavi gulped, "I was wondering if I could take a look around the castle." His guard gave him a questioning look before nodding and taking his hand.

"As you wish, Prince Lavi."

Lavi kept his mouth shut as they walked around the castle, occasionally asking minor directional questions about the other castle. While the guard rambled on and on, Lavi was looking for a chance to duck out and escape to "Princess" Allen ahead of schedule. He saw his chance when they wandered out near the stables. The guard sneezed—apparently allergic to something growing nearby—and Lavi shot off.

"You're Highness!" the guard cried, realizing that Lavi had bolted to the stables and mounted one of the many horses. "Where are you going?! Get back here!"

The horse tried to buck him off, but his many lessons on horse riding paid off. "The ol' Panda was right when he said that I’d need to know how to ride a horse." He kicked, very softly, the side of the horse and the large animal started off in a trot. One more hit to the side, and the horse busted out in a gallop.

"Where are you going?!" the guard cried out once again. Lavi paid no attention and rode on further. He had a bad feeling about Allen that made him short of breath.

He urged his horse faster and faster as the feeling got worse and worse. The closer he got to where he guessed the other castle was, the worse his feeling got.

His bad feeling proved right. Around where he judged the castle to be was a giant forest of thorns. He squinted at the top of the thorn forest, where after a few minutes, he was able to spot a barely visible tower.

_Wait a minute,_ Lavi thought, frowning. _Curse dealing with a spinning wheel, thorn forest, castle..._ He slapped his forehead. "God, am I stupid." He kicked the horse lightly in the sides, and the beast started in a slow-paced lope down the hillside.

_Best not to draw attention to myself in a cursed forest,_ Lavi thought, sweeping his eye from side to side as he entered the first patch of thorns. _Never know what an evil fairy'll put in a place like this._

"Ow! Damn it! What the hell!?!" Okay, Lavi didn't know that it would be this hard to get through a stupid thorn forest. He found a small path, but the thorns of the killer plants still scratched him up badly. Blood trickled down his sliced cheek, and he squinted at the pain. "Allen!"

Nothing called back, except for a few crows that cawed overhead.

"Should've expected that, Lavi," he muttered to himself. If Allen was the cursed princess in the story, he wouldn't be able to answer Lavi's call. For all it mattered, he might as well have been talking to the crows.

He and his horse continued through the dense forest and at last came across the main roads of the kingdom. Praising every god he knew, Lavi spurred his horse into a gallop through the gap in evil vegetation and down the stone rood. The going was much easier here, and surprisingly, nothing nasty jumped out to try and eat Lavi.

_Shouldn't there be more resistance?_ Lavi wondered, slowing his horse as he reached the moat surrounding the castle. _It can’t be this easy to get to Allen._

He spoke too soon. Of course there would be more resistance. Like an alligator infested moat that surrounded an apparently closed off tower._ Just great,_ Lavi thought. He sighed and tied the horse up to an apple tree. "Stay here boy. Here." He reached up to the branches that, thankfully, were low to the ground, and he picked an apple for the horse. "Just stay here and eat this, boy." His hand rested on the horse’s snout and rubbed its velvet-like surface.

"Now, all I have to do is try to get across this thing and make sure Allen is all right." Lavi didn't even know if Allen would be up in the tower. He just had a gut feeling that the boy would be in the highest room of the tallest tower. It was a given in almost all fairy tales.

First, he had to get across the moat. Lavi glanced around and found the drawbridge still intact. _Yes!_ He took a few steps across the bridge, then heard a cracking noise. Panicked, he ran as fast as he could.

He barely made it before the bridge splashed into the alligator-infested moat below. Lavi scrambled away from the edge and to the tower's base. _Okay, that could've gone better, but there has to be a way inside._ He looked around, but this time didn't see any obvious doors or low windows. _Aw, hell, I'm gonna have to walk around the entire castle, aren't I?_

The walls of the castle were tall and impossible for Lavi to scale. He had been walking for at least twenty minutes and still hadn't found an entrance to the castle. It was like there purposely wasn't a door so that Lavi couldn't get to Allen. It was also unbelievably quiet. Lavi quit calling out for Allen because he knew that the boy couldn't hear him. If it was anything like the fairy tale he had in mind, Allen would be snuggled into a large bed and in a very deep sleep.

"Hello? Are there any guards around here!?" Just then he came to a large wooden door. In front were two guards. They weren't standing upright. In fact, they were slouched against the stony wall and apparently asleep.

Lavi snapped his fingers in front of their faces, but they didn't stir. "Great, more sleeping people."

He pushed open the large door behind the two guards, which opened up with a squealing whine. _Geez... How long've they been out?_ If Lavi had been supposed to come that day, and it took only a couple hours to reach the castle, word would've reached his own guards that something had happened. That meant everyone had to have been put to sleep and the thorn forest constructed by the evil fairy in less than a day. Granted, it was an evil fairy with super magical powers, so Lavi wasn't about to question that.

Inside the castle wasn't much better than outside. Everything was dim and gloomy, as if the light cascading through the windows itself fell asleep as soon as it entered. Servants of all types were slumped against the walls or lying on the floor, all asleep just like the guards outside.

Carefully, Lavi walked up the stone stairs to where he assumed Allen would be sleeping. He was guessing, of course. This was a fairy tale, and according to fairy tale rules, the princess was always at the highest room of the tallest tower. Why, Lavi didn't know, but he really wanted to stab whoever came up with that rule by the time he reached the door.

The door itself seemed to glow dimly, like there was something shining just beyond its wooden surface. Lavi reached for the handle but stopped just as his fingers touched the its golden surface. He took a deep breath and gripped the handle. He knew what was on the other side. It would be exactly like the story. A princess, cursed on her birthday, soon to be wed, sleeping soundly in her bed to be found by her prince charming that would think that death had consumed her. Except that the “she” in this case was actually Allen.

Lavi braced himself for the scene would soon be before him. The door screamed like ghosts escaping the room. He took a deep breath, took a step forward, and entered. He took in the sight and almost fell to his knees. It was exactly like the fairy tale. Allen was asleep in the large canopy bed. His face was pale, and Lavi would have sworn that he was dead if it weren't for the fact that Allen's chest was rising and falling.

Lavi came closer and tapped Allen's cheek. "Come on, Moyashi, wake up!" Usually, calling Allen by his nickname worked. This time, however, Lavi might as well have been speaking to a corpse for all the response he got. "Allen, I'm not kissing you. Wake up, or you'll sleep here forever." Not much of a threat, but Lavi didn't want to play his role as prince charming.

When Allen didn't wake up, Lavi had to swallow his pride and accept the fact that he was the prince and Allen was the princess. Slowly, he bent his head, as if to show any onlookers that he wasn't willing to kiss his best friend and that he was only doing it because he had to. Lavi closed his eyes when their faces were a breath apart and touched his lips to Allen's.

"Bleck! Awh, Man! That was gross! Eww!" He spat out the words like he had just eaten something horrible. "I do not kiss guys! I kiss girls! Hot, sexy, big-breasted girls!!" He staggered back from the side of Allen's bed; the only movement in the room was himself. Lavi suddenly stopped all action. He stared at Allen. "Oh, come on. I am not kissing you again, Moyashi."

That was when Allen sat bolt upright in his bed and gave Lavi an angry glare. "I am not a freakin' bean sprout! Why can't you people get it through your thick skulls?!" Allen dug the sleep from his eyes with his hand.

He looked around, confused. "Wait, wasn't I in the basement with a creepy lady and a spinning wheel?" He was too busy pondering how he'd gotten back to his room to realize that Lavi had kissed him until a few seconds later, and when he did realize, he pulled the blankets over his head to hide his flushed face. "What do you mean, kissing me again?!"

Allen hid under his covers like a frightened little kid. He heard the footsteps of his friend come closer to his bed, and then the shadow just outside of his blanket moved. "Uh, yeah..." Lavi pulled the covers away from Allen and saw the pink tinge in his cheeks. "I had to kiss you so that you’d wake up. You know, Sleeping Beauty?"

Allen sighed, fisting the blanket on his lap. His head fell, and he couldn't look at the future Bookman. "I, uh, Lavi?" No eye contact was made. Lavi sat down on the bed, mortified at what he had just done. The cursed boy sat up straight and touched his pink lips with his fingers. He faced Lavi with confidence. "Why the hell did you open that damn book!?" Instead of clutching the blanket, he clenched his hand into a fist and whacked Lavi upside the head. "Stupid Rabbit!"

Lavi whimpered at the contact of flesh on flesh. Evil Allen came out, and he wanted nothing to do with him. "Sorry! Sorry, Allen! I was just- just so tempted to open it! Yeesh! Quit hitting me!" Just then, as Allen hit Lavi on the head again, the whole room around them went white and their bodies felt light as can be.

"Gah, Lavi! What's going on!?" Allen floated in the cool air, and Lavi was right there with him. Wind whipped around them. "I have a bad feeling about this!" Then they disappeared in another flash.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavi- Well that was fun, except for the kissing part.
> 
> Allen- What do you have against kissing me!?
> 
> Lavi- Maybe because you're a guy.... well, I guess it wasn't that bad...
> 
> Allen- Kissing another guy was enjoyable, wasn't it?
> 
> Lavi- Well, yeah... I guess...
> 
> Sailor- *tries not to laugh*
> 
> Koru- Yay! Yaoi!


	3. Let Down Your Hair

When at last the light faded, Allen opened his eyes and found himself in yet another unfamiliar scene. He was in a bleak garden with nightshade and other poisonous plants growing everywhere. He was in the middle of this deadly garden, sitting on a bench, and wearing yet another dress.

The first thought that went through his mind was: _Where the hell am I?_ The second came when he was staring at the new dress he was in: _When did I change?_ The third was: _Wait, why am I _in_ another dress?!_ He plucked at the skirt, which was made of a coarse woven cloth, nothing like the soft silk dress he’d worn in the last story—for he knew now he was still trapped in that stupid book. _Why me?_

Then he heard a twig snap. Allen jumped up from his seat and stared around, searching for the source of the sound. Then he heard a grunt from one of the high stone walls and saw red hair just over the top. A hand joined the top of the head, and then the whole face came into view—Lavi’s face.

Allen and Lavi stared a few moments, then Lavi broke into a grin. “Wow. I just climbed the wall to see where I was, and then I find you. Must be fate, Allen.”

“L-Lavi, where _are_ we?” Allen asked, rushing over and being careful to avoid the thorn-covered plants littering the ground. “What story are we in? What’s going on? More importantly, why am I in a dress again?”

“Hold on!” Lavi said, gesturing for Allen to calm down. “One question at a time! And the answers, in order, are ‘I don’t know,’ ‘I don’t know,’ ‘I don’t know,’ and ‘I don’t know, but you don’t look as cute in that one.’”

Allen gave Lavi one of those death glares and said, “Well, now that you’ve found me, what should we do?”

“Well, we’ve got to figure out what we’re in first,” Lavi said. “Then I’m not sure after that.”

“Oh, fun.”

“Allen! What are you doing out there? I hear voices!” shouted an old, haggard voice. Allen spun around and faced the owner of that voice, an equally old and haggard woman. The woman glared up at Lavi, who hadn’t had the chance to duck down from the wall. “Who’s this?!”

“U-um, this is Lavi?” Allen tried, hoping against hope the hag wasn’t as mean as she looked.

“Lavi, huh?” The hag eyed Lavi dangerously. She then lifted the broomstick she had in her hands and swung at Lavi. The redhead was faster than she was, however, and dropped down from the wall so that the broom only hit stone.

Lavi hadn’t escaped injury on the other side of the barrier, for he could be heard shouting, “Ow ow ow ow!!!!! Damn thorns!”

Ignoring the cries of pain outside the garden, the hag turned on Allen. “You stupid girl! I decide to teach you witchcraft, and you choose to talk to that filthy trash instead? Would you rather be with that disgusting boy than learn magic?!”

Allen bit his lip so he wouldn’t point out that the garden was probably filthier than Lavi, and the hag took that response to the problem as insolence. She smacked Allen with the broomstick—which wasn’t as painful as Cross’s hammer, but pretty close—and grabbed him by his long (when did it grow that long?) white hair. “I’ll just have to fix that, now won’t I? Come with me, you stupid brat!”

The cursed boy let out a yelp as the witch flung him by the hair onto the back of her broom like a sack of potatoes. The hag then mounted her broom before Allen could attempt to escape and took off. Poor Allen, who could see the ground disappearing below them, let out the loudest scream he could manage.

Lavi, meanwhile, saw them flying away and mounted the horse that had magically appeared behind him and galloped after them.

* * *

“This is where you’ll be staying from now on, wench!” the hag snapped as they entered the highest room of a tall tower through the window.

Allen’s heart sank when he saw there weren’t any doors below. _What kind of person builds a tower without a door?_ He then stared around his Spartan accommodations. The bed was a straw mattress on the floor. There was a pitcher of water sitting in a tin basin on a table in the corner. The room itself was drafty. The only contrast to the uncomfortable conditions was a piano to the side of the room.

“You can stay here for the rest of your life, brat!” the witch shouted, mounting her broom once more. “I’ll come tomorrow with food for you. And don’t even _think_ about trying to escape!” And with that said, she was out the window in an instant.

Allen sat down at the piano and sighed. So now he was stuck in the middle of nowhere with no chance of escape. _What kind of fairy tale is this?_ Depressed, he pressed down one of the piano keys, and a crystal-clear note sounded. _Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do_. So he started to play, one finger following the other.

* * *

Lavi slumped in his saddle, exhausted from a day of riding. The horse was going at a slow walk, even more exhausted than its rider. They’d lost the witch’s broom somewhere in the forest, and now they were just wandering around lost, hoping against hope to find wherever the witch took Allen.

At last, they had to stop. Lavi dismounted—fell would’ve been a better word—from the saddle and just lay in the grass as the horse grazed. There was a small break in the trees, and he could see the twinkling stars up above. Despite knowing the name of every star and constellation, Lavi couldn’t find anything familiar in the night sky. It was just a mess of stars with no rhyme or reason to it. Either Lavi was in the Southern Hemisphere (which he wasn’t as familiar with) or he was in a seriously messed up world.

_Where are you, Allen?_ he thought, staring up at the sky. He closed his eyes and thought he heard something. It was a gentle tune, one Lavi recognized. The redhead sat bolt upright. _Allen!_

Lavi snatched his horse’s reigns and mounted once more in one swift movement. The horse, startled, burst into a run, and the future Bookman steered him toward the music. He rode for what felt like hours through the forest.

Lavi's thighs began to ache, and the galloping of the horse slowed down, not quite back to full steam. Lavi urged the horse to keep moving toward the soft notes of the piano. He recognized the song as soon as the tune hit his eardrums. "It has to be Allen. That's the song that regenerated the ark." Along with the piano notes were a few lyrics. Allen was singing, probably unknowingly. The song was just so easy to follow, and words seemed to flow from the boy's mouth without his consent. Lavi tuned in and listened for how close his comrade was. "I'm almost there. Hold on, Allen, I'll save you."

The future Bookman found that he could venture faster on his feet than on the tired steed. Lavi dismounted quickly and left the horse to graze on a patch of grass nearby. As the teen got closer to the alluring sound, the sky got darker.

Eventually, he ended up in a small clearing with a giant tower in the center. There wasn't a door or a ladder around. There was, however, a single lit window at the top of the impossibly tall tower, and that was where the music was coming from. _The witch must've dumped Allen up there,_ Lavi thought, looking up at the large window.

Lavi glanced around quickly to make sure the witch was nowhere nearby, and then called out, "Hey! Allen!"

The music faltered and stopped. _Allen must've heard me!_ So Lavi called again, "Allen! Down here!"

This time, Allen peeked his head out the window. Something seemed different about the cursed boy, but it was hard to tell what it was when he was that far away. "Lavi?"

"Down here!"

Allen at last looked down. "Lavi!"

Finally, Lavi realized what was different about the boy. Allen's white hair created a soft curtain that framed his face. Lavi had never seen his hair that long before, not even when Allen first joined the Order (well, except for that incident with the zombies during the move). Now the boy's hair was past his shoulders, seeming to grow longer by the minute.

"Lavi! It took you long enough! Help me down from stupid tower!" Allen hit his fists on the stone wall. "It's your damn fault that we even got into this mess! Now get me down!"

It didn't seem that Allen had noticed his magically growing hair yet. So, Lavi felt it his duty to tell the boy before he noticed and freaked.

"Allen! How long is your hair right now?"

The cursed boy blinked, then disappeared a moment. Then Lavi heard a scream, and Allen's head reappeared. "I-it's long! Really long! At least as long as this tower is—" he stopped, then slapped his forehead.

"What's up?" Lavi called.

"I think we're in Repunzel, Lavi."

"Repunzel?" Lavi tilted his head, trying to remember the fairy tale out of the many that he had heard in his lifetime. "Oh! Is that the one about the pregnant lady in the tower with the really long hair?" Lavi thought back to the original tale and laughed. "That was a funny one!"

Allen growled up in his tower and glared down to his idiotic friend. "I don't remember Repunzel being pregnant in the story. Which version are you thinking of?" Allen called down and watched as his hair grew longer behind him. It was spread out all over the dirty floor of the circular room. Allen had a feeling that it would continue to grow until the tale came true and he had to use it as a rope. _Great, just great,_ he thought.

"I'm thinking of the only one that Bookman told me. What about you?" Lavi's neck was starting to hurt from craning it towards Allen up above.

"Disney."

"Disney?" Lavi sighed, slapping his forehead. "Allen, do you honestly think that the Disney versions of fairy tales are true?"

Allen stared blankly back at Lavi, so the redhead shouted, "Just braid your hair and I'll climb up. We won't have to keep yelling that way!"

The cursed boy bobbed his head in a nod, then disappeared once more. Lavi rubbed his neck, at last feeling how sore it was now that he'd stopped looking up. Ten minutes later, a rope of white hair smacked the side of the tower in front of Lavi. He didn't mind, of course. It would take anyone a ridiculously long time to braid hair that was that long.

Just as he was about to reach for the thick braid that Allen made out of his hair, a chilling wind whipped through the air, along with a throaty cackle. Lavi dropped his hands to his sides and looked around him for any sign of danger. "Allen? Did you hear that?"

The wind whipped around him one more time, and Lavi stood still, frozen in place. The evil laughter continued getting louder as it came closer to Lavi. "Hey, Allen?" Once he glanced up at the window that opened at the top of the tower he gasped. Allen was nowhere by the window and wasn't replying to Lavi's calls.

"Allen!" Lavi shouted. Again, no response.

But his hair was still hanging out the window. _Sorry if I pull your hair,_ he thought rather than said. He had a bad feeling, so he'd stay quiet and climb up to check on his friend.

He pulled himself up on Allen's hair and slowly ascended the rope. _One hand over the other,_ he kept repeating to himself as he got higher and higher to distract himself from the pain in his arm. Many times during the climb, Lavi wished that his hammer hadn't gone missing. Still, it didn't take him too long to reach the window.

"Allen?" he called softly into the room just as he pulled himself up onto the windowsill.

Lavi balanced all of his weight on his palms. His arms still stung from his climb. If he remembered the tale correctly, he would find Allen asleep once again. And that was exactly what had happened. He pulled himself fully into the room, noticing how drafty it was, and he toppled down to the hard floor. "Allen?" he called once more. His single eye wandered around the room until it found Allen curled up on the poorly made bed. His feet drifted towards his friend, and he shook Allen at his shoulders. "Hey, wake up. I came to get you, now get up." Allen didn't move an inch. "Don't make me kiss you," he threatened, but still the boy did not budge.

Lavi sighed, sitting down on the bed next to Allen's sleeping form. _Maybe I do have to kiss him? The story is told so many different ways..._ He leaned in towards Allen's face and gulped. "Why did I open that book?" His lips were dangerously close to Allen's. _Well, here goes nothing._

"My, my, my, it seems a rat managed to get in here."

Lavi spun around, but it was too late. The witch waved her hand, and some kind of dark aura engulfed him. He stumbled away. "Y-You... What did you do?"

"Just a spell, my pretty," the witch cackled. "You'll forget all about that lovely girl behind you and be forced to wander the world until you die."

Lavi reached for Allen's hand, but just as his fingers touched the cursed boy's, he couldn't remember who it was lying there.

"Wait, where am I?" he asked, but the only person who was now in the room was a sleeping boy. "What am I doing here?" He looked around the room for an exit, only finding a single window. The hair that had grown from the boy's head was still braided into a tight rope. Lavi pondered his position at the moment and felt that he was forgetting something. "Oh! That's what I was doing! I was going to get some bread. But how did I get up here, in this dirty room?" He paced towards the windowsill. "Oh boy, that's quite a drop from up here." His eyes wandered down to the ground that was too far for him to jump.

_Well, she wouldn't mind,_ Lavi thought before using the boy's hair as a rope and climbing down. He found his horse, which unlike Allen, he recognized. He mounted the steed and started off through the woods in a light trot.

As Lavi rode away on his horse, Allen finally woke up. He sat straight up, breathing heavily, and beads of sweat formed on his pale forehead. The hay from the poorly made bed crunched under him as he shifted his weight. "Huh?" He searched around the room, realizing that he was in the bed instead of at the window talking to Lavi. "Why do I always end up in a bed sleeping?" he asked himself. "These fairy tales keep on getting weirder and weirder."

Once he was sure he was fully awake, he stood up from the small bed. His legs felt wobbly underneath him, and he struggled to stand up straight. His eyes widened when he saw the witch.

"It seems your little friend has left you." The hag grinned, revealing a single rotted tooth. "Too bad. He was quite the looker too."

"Where is he?" Allen asked coldly. He knew Lavi wouldn't just leave. "What have you done to him?"

The old hag laughed menacingly, flashing her one-toothed smile. "Oh, I have done nothing to him; I only messed with his mind a little." She sat on the window's edge, ready to leave the poor boy in the tower alone. Even though Allen would rather be alone then be in her presence. "No sense in trying to get free, my pretty. He's long gone by now." She hopped off of the sill and pace towards Allen in a crouched walk. "You're all mine." She held his chin tightly and stared him in the eyes. "You, your pretty eyes, and your wonderful hair."

Allen grimaced; he never found his abnormalities pretty. They were weird and far from being attractive, one of his reasons why he thought Lavi would never think of him as more than a friend. The witch finally let him go, never really answering what she had done to Lavi. Her hunched-over figure stalked over to the window once more before taking flight on her broom. Allen couldn't take this drama anymore. He finally broke down and collapsed onto the straw bed on the floor, crying.

"What am I going to do? What am I going to do?" he kept asking himself over and over again. "Lavi's not here. He always knows what to do." Allen wiped his tears with his hand and slumped down to put his forehead on his kneecaps. "I guess I have to come up with something this time."

Allen closed his eyes and thought hard. The only way out of the tower was through the window. If he just jumped out the window, he'd be dead. He didn't have a magic broomstick, so he couldn't fly out the window like the witch did. All he had was a mattress, a piano, and his hair.... _My hair!_ Allen slapped his forehead. _Why didn't I think of that before? God, I'm an idiot._

He rushed around the circular room, looking for something he could possibly use to chop his hair off. He found a pair of scissors in a sewing kit and decided they would just have to do.

Allen hacked through the thick rope-like braid, not caring if his ends were crooked; it wasn't like he couldn't fix it later. Once his braid was cut off, he tied it to the piano with the best knot he could manage, and after testing it to make sure the knot wouldn't come undone, he started the climb down.

He didn't get rope burn because he was lucky enough to have silky hair. Allen was almost all the way down the side of the tower when he felt the braid start to loosen. He only had a couple of feet until he hit bottom, so it wouldn't kill him, but it would only be painful to his backside. Much like other things that he didn't want to think about at the moment. One more hand down the thick braid, and it finally snapped from the piano's leg. Allen's eyes widened in fright, and he fell to the ground. With an _oof_, he landed on his butt and hit his tail bone. "Ow!"

His flared-out dress flopped up in his lap. He looked down at himself only to see a pair of frilly white and blue panties. "Gah! You've got to be kidding me! Not only am I stuck in a dress, but I’ve also been forced into girl underwear! How is this possible!?"

Despite his frilly undies, Allen was able to recover from his fall. Sure his backside hurt from the drop, but he could deal. He fought monsters for his job; he could handle a fall from only a couple of feet. So up and off he went, despite having no clue where he was going.

Allen figured that if he wandered in a straight line long enough, he'd get out of the forest. The problem was that everything looked the same, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was walking in circles. At one point, he marked a tree to check his progress, and an hour later, he stumbled back to that exact same tree.

Irritated, Allen picked another direction and pushed through some shrubs. When he finally got through the undergrowth, he at last found something promising.

"A road!" Allen cheered. "Thank God!"

He would have kissed the road if it weren't for the fact that it was only dirt and pebbles. It seemed to wind through the forest and take sharp turns. Allen picked a direction and began walking. He wished he had shoes only moments later. He also wished that Timcanpy were with him; then he could have contacted someone from the Order and find out how to get out of the book that Lavi had opened. If only he had listened to Link and- O_h god Link..._

The man was probably freaking out because Allen wasn't in his sight. He was most likely writing down everything that happened in his notes and somehow relating it to the Fourteenth. _Just great,_ Allen thought. _I'm going to get even more crap about this when we get out of here. If we ever_ _get out of here in the first place._

Allen didn't mind the soft scenery in front of him. He wished that the whole world was like a fairy tale, and that he could end up with the one he loved, just like in the stories. But that was far from the truth. Allen believed that there was no chance of him ever finding his own Prince Charming.

Allen sighed, and ignoring the pain in his bleeding feet, continued down the road. As he walked, he noticed that the trees were starting to thin out and that some milky sunlight filtered through the branches above. Seeing the sun reminded him that he'd been walking all night, and he sat under a tree to give his aching feet a rest.

He didn't remember dozing off...

"Excuse me, are you all right, Miss?"

Allen's eyes shot open and he scrambled away from the child in front of him in surprise. John, the annoying kid he'd met before joining the Order, watched him in amusement. "Well, you're alive, at least. Did you get lost?"

"J-John?" Although the kid was a pest, Allen was glad to see a familiar face. "It's really you! How was the surprise visit from your dad? Did you show him your inventions? I bet he was proud." Allen rambled on and on before the kid stepped back.

"Um, Miss? Do I know you? How do you know all that stuff about me?" He was working with something that was out of Allen's sight. "You're kind of creepy, Miss." Allen soon remembered that he was in the story and not in real life. It was like the time he saw Lenalee in the last story. The people looked exactly like his friends, except that they didn't remember Allen being Allen. They remember him as being the princess, or the girl on the side of the road.

"Oh, sorry. I just... I know your father." Allen knew the boy was up to something. He heard a ticking noise come from John._ Please don't tell me it's an onion bomb.... please!_ Allen freaked out when the kid threw exactly what he feared at him. The smoke erupted from the bomb and Allen's eyes began to water instantly.

"M-my eyes!" Allen gasped, trying to rub the onion powder out. It burned his throat and made him cough. "That was a mean thing to do," he snapped at John.

John, however, just stuck his tongue out at Allen. "Loser!" he called as he raced away down the road.

Allen stood up and winced as his bloody feet screamed in protest. _If he's here, then that means there must be a village nearby, and if there's a village nearby, then maybe I can find Lavi._ And so he chased after John.

John was faster than Allen because of the roller blades that the boy had strapped to his feet. Allen was confused by the little glimpse of the wheels. He was pretty sure that there were no such things as roller blades in the old stories, but oh well, it was John. The boy always had his means of transportation on him. Allen sighed, falling behind because of his bare feet. Lucky for him, he got within distance of seeing a small village at the bottom of the large hill. Now all he had to do was ask around and at least try to find Lavi and figure out why the redhead had left him in the tower.

Down in the village, Allen saw even more familiar faces. Howard Link was in the marketplace, selling warm bread and cakes that made Allen's stomach rumble. Komui was beating up Lvellie—Lvellie!—and shouting about how the man had looked at Lenalee the wrong way, something Allen had always wanted to see. Even Tyki was there playing cards with his buddies. By this point, though, Allen had learned to just shut up and accept everything without making too big a deal out of it.

One thing didn't change, though. From behind him he heard the shriek of a certain very annoying lolita girl. Road. Even though everyone around saw him as a girl, it didn't change the fact that Rhode was a crazy, childish stalker after Allen's innocence—both kinds. Allen heard her footsteps get closer and closer until he was almost pummeled to the ground by the girl.

"Allen-chan! Where have you been? Was the old lady keeping you inside again?" She pouted, clearly annoyed that she wasn't able to play with Allen in such a long time. "I missed playing with your hair. Why did you cut it all off?" Road wrapped around Allen and tugged on his white hair. "You need some bows to put in this hair of yours." She hopped off of his back and circled around him like a vulture.

"And what are you wearing? I need to get you something more girly." She pulled on Allen's hand and ran toward the nearest street in the market. She pushed Allen into one of the makeshift changing rooms and gave him a new dress to change into. "Here! This will suit you better than that rag you’re wearing."

Allen sighed and decided just sucking it up and changing would work out better for him in the long run than telling Road no. He changed into a frilly frock complete with pink ribbons and stepped out so Road could "ooo" and "ahh" over him.

"And I've got some pink ribbon for your hair, though I still think it's too short." Road tied a big bow in the back and gave an approving nod. "It'll just have to do for now." Allen was pleased to see her pay for his dress. That was one less thing he had to worry about.

Road looked him up and down again, then frowned. "You don't have shoes! Oh, we'll just have to fix that!" And she dragged him off to yet another merchant, this one with shoes of every color, shape, and size.

Unfortunately for Allen, he was stuck in very high-heeled shoes with large bows at the bottom near his toes. "You're all done now!" Road giggled and grabbed Allen's hand. "Let's go find Lero and play. I'm sure he'll be happy to see a new face."

Allen hesitated. He had to go and find Lavi, not play with a Noah and her umbrella, if Lero _was_ an umbrella in this story. "Sorry, Road. I have to find someone." He squeezed his hand out of her death grip and looked at her apologetically. "I really am sorry. We'll play some other time." He was _so_ bullshitting this one.

Road sighed, fluffing her small laced skirt. "Fine. If this person is so much more important than me, then I have to let you go. We’ll play some other time. I'm going to make you play with me." She huffed, skipping along. "This person really is important, isn't he? I can tell by the way you look right now. Do you love him?"

Allen's face lit up. " No! I mean- erm.... Yes, he is important. No, I don't love him. At least I don't think so..." He cursed silently at her for putting such thoughts in his head. His face cooled down, and only a small pink blush remained.

Road smiled mischievously. "What's he look like?" she asked, as if she already knew the answer.

"Well... He's taller than I am," Allen started, "about this tall." He gestured with his hand an estimate of Lavi's height. He then gave Road the rest of Lavi's description, making sure he mentioned how Lavi only had one eye. Perhaps she'd seen him. Road was one to notice details, after all.

"Oh! So you like that guy!" Allen's hope rose slightly when Road seemed to have seen him. "He was walking around like he was in a daze, but he stopped to talk to him." She pointed to her left, and Allen followed the direction with his eyes. Soon he was eye to eye with none other than the stealthy samurai himself, Kanda. But this time he wasn't an exorcist, wielding a sword. He was a butcher, wielding a meat cleaver.

"And just when I though this couldn't get any worse than it already had." Allen mumbled to himself as he took a careful step toward Kanda's market stand. "Thanks Road." It was so hard for him to be nice to a Noah, but all the rules were out the window in this place; everyone was a friend from where he stood. Everyone, that is, except Kanda.

As Allen approached the butcher stand, Kanda looked up. "What do you want, Moyashi?" he asked gruffly.

Allen swallowed the lump forming in his throat. _He doesn't know me here. He has no reason to kill me._ His inner pep talk worked to a certain extent, so Allen said with the sweetest smile he could manage, "I'm looking for someone. He's—"

"This is a butcher shop, not a detective agency," Kanda interrupted, slamming his cleaver down on a huge hunk of meat. "Go ask someone else."

"I did ask someone else, and they said you saw who I'm looking for," Allen insisted.

"Buzz off, squirt," was Kanda’s stern reply. "I only met some idiot today, and he was just asking where the bread shop was." Kanda slammed his cleaver down through the raw red meat and scared Allen by doing so.

"Well, was this guy tall, and did he have red hair?" Allen gave a small description that anyone would know Lavi by. "He has an eye patch." He shifted uncomfortably in his shoes. For only being in heels for a small amount of time, his feet were killing him.

Kanda stopped hacking at the meat. "That's exactly what he looked like," he said, setting down his cleaver. He gestured for Allen to lean closer and whispered, "He wasn't some normal idiot, far as I could tell. I'd bet my cleaver he ran into some... witches... and got hexed." Kanda then glanced around like the many superstitious townsfolk Allen had met during his time as an exorcist and went back to chopping his meat.

"Thank you," Allen whispered back. It seemed one didn't talk about witches in this town, meaning Kanda had gone against his better judgement to help him.

Some color rose to Kanda's cheeks. "Whatever, Moyashi."

Allen tripped off in his heels when he tried to walk away and almost fell flat on his face for doing so. All the townspeople seemed to have been as happy as can be, but Allen was worried. Even though he was in a fairy tale, along with all of his other comrades, he still knew what kind of person Kanda was. And Kanda wasn't a person to be scared of a witch. Allen knew that something happened to Lavi, and it was bad.

Allen brushed off his new skirt and muttered to himself, "All right, now I have to find someone who knows where Lavi wandered off to." He glanced around. He knew Lavi had gone to the bread shop next, so that's where he would check.

It took a little bit, but he managed to wobble over to Howard Link's little bakery stand. The blond assassin gave an uncharacteristic smile. "How may I help you, Miss?"

"I'm looking for someone who wandered over here," Allen explained. He gave the same description once more and hoped that Link would know where Lavi had wandered off to.

Link stacked his loaves of bread in order and placed signs in front of them. "Oh, yeah, I’ve seen that guy. He came by, but he didn't buy anything. I saw him walk around and ask where the bread stand was to a couple of people. I find it weird that he searched for bread and didn't buy any." Link had a sad expression on his face. "I could have sold a lot to that boy. He looked a bit hungry."

Allen sighed, fixing his pink fluffy skirt again. "Um, where'd he go off to?" Allen asked one more question, but his answer from the baker didn't come right away.

"That'll cost you. I have a business to run after all." The inspector held out a large cinnamon roll with a lot of frosting. "You look hungry too. How about it? Buy this and I'll tell you where the guy went."

"But I don't have any money..." Allen muttered, fussing with his skirt a bit more. He _was_ hungry, and if he _had _money, he would've jumped on this opportunity. Sadly, the most he could do was try to look like the pretty girl everyone thought he was and hope Link would take pity on him.

Allen batted his eyelashes at the blond and tried to look innocent. People had said he looked like a girl. Hell! Even the people around him thought he was a girl. "Please, mister baker-man, I just want to find my friend." The teenager's lips pouted out and gave Link a sad puppy dog-like face. "Can you please tell me where he went?" Allen would regret this later on. "A poor little girl like me has no way of knowing where he went, and you're the one who actually knows. I'll do anything." Okay, yeah he'd regret this. Allen leaned over the stand and placed a small kiss on Link's cheek. "Please?"

Link, being the cruel heartless person he was, said, "No."

"Why not?!"

"I run a business, not a charity." Link set the cinnamon roll down with the other rolls. "Now, if you do me a favor, I'll give you that cinnamon roll and tell you what I know of your friend."

Allen's heart sank. "What do you want me to do?"

The Inspector's face turned a shade of red, and he cleared his throat. "Well then, now that our deal is made, I would like you to do this one thing for me." He pointed past Allen, over his shoulder. "That man over there. His name is Lvellie. I uh-" Allen glared at the man that Link was pointing at. He reminded Allen of a snake. A slithering, suspicious snake. "I would ask him myself, but I uh-" Link stuttered. "I just can't."

Allen snorted; he knew exactly what was going on. Link got the same expression that Allen did when he was embarrassed or nervous. "You want to go on a date with him? I didn't know that you swung that way Link." Allen wriggled his hips and smiled at his stalker. "So, if I go ask him out on a date for you, you'll feed me and tell me where my friend went?" It seemed like a fair trade, even though Allen was terrified of the snake-like Lvellie.

"Yes, but don't make it seem like I am desperate."

"I'll do my best," Allen said cheerfully. This was so much easier than he'd thought.

He went over to Lvellie and tapped the man on the shoulder. The snake of a man spun around. "What?"

_Now to work the match-making magic._ Allen smiled and nodded his head to Link, who was trying to look like he wasn't watching him. "I was wondering what you thought of the baker over there." He wouldn't know what to say if he didn't know what "Lvellie's" feelings were.

"What, Link?" Lvellie glanced over at Howard Link. "That's none of your business, girl."

"I was just wondering is all," Allen said, twirling a strand of his hair around his finger. "I'd heard that there might've been a thing between you two, but if there isn't, I might just ask him out myself."

Lvellie's eyes widened. Allen was playing his cards perfectly. "W-why would you want to do that?"

"Well, he's a great guy and all," Allen said innocently. "He's cute, smart, an excellent cook... Everything a girl like me could ask for." This wasn't the first time Allen was forced to hook two people up. Once to get dinner, he'd had to get some guy to ask the serving girl out, and he'd used a very similar tactic with him. Usually acting interested in front of another person made that other person act before it was too late.

"Excuse me a moment, would you?" Lvellie pushed past Allen and walked over to Link's baking stall. There was a brief conversation between the two, and then Lvellie walked away, a deep shade of crimson coloring his cheeks. So Allen had been successful.

Allen gave Lvellie a smile, "So, are you two going to go do something together?" Lvellie's face deepened a shade of red. The man nodded. "Good! Now I can get my cinnamon roll and the whereabouts of Lavi," Allen mumbled to himself so that Lvellie didn't suspect it was just a big setup.

Once Lvellie was gone, Allen ambled up to Link's shop and said, "I held up my end of the bargain. Ready to hold up yours?"

Link handed Allen the biggest, stickiest cinnamon bun in the shop and said, "The person you’re looking for wandered out of town toward the river a few hours ago. If you hurry, you can probably catch up to him."

Allen snatched the delicious pastry and headed off to find Lavi. Many townspeople looked at him oddly. A petite _girl_ stuffing a large cinnamon roll down _her_ throat, yes, that would be an awkward scene.

Allen walked past the town’s borders and found himself deep into the woods. _I don't think I’m going the right way. _Allen knew that he was bad with directions. He wished with all his might that he was going the correct way, and before he knew it, he was very close. The water from the river gurgled, and Allen sighed with relief. _I could have sworn that I was nowhere near the river._

All it took was a little hope, a wish, and Allen in a dress. That was what made these fairy tales work.

Allen continued in the direction of the river, occasionally having to stop and rip his new frilly dress out of the brambles. By the time he got to the river, the hem of his dress was completely ruined, but at least he’d gotten through the woods. Best of all, Lavi was there sitting on a rock by the river, tossing stones into the water.

“Lavi!”

Lavi looked up, and his eye brightened. “Strike!” He hopped off his rock and rushed over to Allen. “Hey there, Gorgeous! Is it hot out here, or is it just you?” When Allen just stared at him, Lavi said, “How about this, then? If I was a gun, I’d totally bang you!”

Allen felt the color rise to his cheeks. “Lavi, are you hitting on me?”

“Of course I am, Beautiful!” Lavi flashed one of his trademarked heart-melting smiles. “So tell me, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?”

Allen wasn’t sure what to make of the situation. On one hand, he was happy that Lavi was hitting on him. On the other hand, the fact Lavi was hitting on him like this seemed a little strange.

“You know, Cutie, I’m like a Rubix cube. The more you play with me, the harder I—”

“Lavi, don’t you recognize me?” Allen asked.

“Yeah, I see you all the time in my dreams.”

Allen slapped his forehead. “That’s not what I meant.” Something was definitely wrong here. “It’s me, Allen.”

“Allen?” Lavi repeated. He looked the cursed boy up and down, then grabbed his chest, making Allen squeak in surprise. “Woah! You’re a guy!” He backed away slightly. “A cross-dressing guy, neh? Heh heh, sorry, I don’t exactly swing that way, buddy.”

Allen crossed his arms over his chest. “Lavi, you’re being a moron. Don’t you know who I am?”

“Uh... A fruitcake?”

“I’m not a fruitcake! I was forced into this!” Allen snapped. “Do you honestly think I’d wear this by choice?!”

Lavi frowned. “Well...”

“Don’t answer that question.” Allen sighed and rubbed his eyes. Lavi didn’t seem to know who he was. Then he remembered Kanda’s words: _“He wasn't some normal idiot, far as I could tell. I'd bet my cleaver he ran into some... witches... and got hexed.”_ That would certainly explain why Lavi couldn’t remember him.

_But how do I break a witch’s hex?_ Allen wondered. _Wait a minute... _They were trapped in a fairy tale. How’s any spell broken in a fairy tale? _This had better work._

Allen summoned all the courage he had and grabbed Lavi’s face and pulled the redhead into a kiss. He held Lavi there a few seconds before releasing him. The future Bookman stared at Allen, and Allen stared back, both not quite sure what had just happened.

...

...

Then there was the delayed response.

“Allen! Why’d you do that?!” Lavi cried, wiping off his lips and searching for a suitable place to throw up. “I told you last story! Hot, sexy, big-breasted women _only_! You’re not a girl, and you’re not big-breasted!”

Allen’s thoughts couldn’t help but stray as Lavi ranted to, _Well, he left out the hot and sexy, so I still have a chance!_

Lavi stopped ranting and raving to stare at Allen. “Are you blushing?”

“N-no! It’s just hot out here, and this dress is suffocating me!”

“I could help you out of that,” Lavi flirted. He then stopped himself and slapped his forehead. “Hot, sexy, big-breasted girls, Lavi, not little pipsqueak Allen.”

“I’m not a pipsqueak!”

“Whatever, Moyashi,” Lavi said, looking around the river. “Now how do we get out of here?”

Allen frowned. “I don’t know. I kissed you ‘cause I thought that would work and it didn’t.”

“Maybe a kiss isn’t always the answer,” Lavi stated flatly.

“W-what does that mean?”

“Have you ever heard the original version of Repunzel?”

“We had this discussion earlier, and the answer’s still no.”

“Right, Disney.” Lavi shook his head. “Disney cut out one specific detail. Well, actually, the Church cut it out, but that’s beside the point.” He glanced around the area quickly to make sure there weren’t any onlookers, then said seriously, “Allen, drop your pants.”

Poor little Allen’s eyes widened in pure terror. “W-what?!”

“Erm.” Lavi glanced at Allen’s temporary clothing choice. “I mean, lift your skirt.”

“That doesn’t make it any better, Lavi!” Allen held down the fabric of his skirt to protect him from whatever Lavi was about to try. “W-why do you want me to-to do that?”

“Right. Explanation would be good.” Lavi looked thoughtful a moment, then said, “In the original version of Repunzel, the main character was pregnant with, we assume, the prince’s child, obviously inferring some... er... _intimacy_, which kinda sucks for me, since you’re not a hot, sexy, big-breasted girl with a—”

“What do you mean by _intimacy_?” Allen interrupted, scared out of his mind.

Lavi rolled his eye. _God, he’s innocent._ “Sex,” he replied bluntly.

Allen’s eyes widened even more. “Se-se...” He couldn’t say it. He couldn’t _believe_ it. “I’m not ready for that step!” he cried. “I mean, I-I-I’m not mentally prepared for this! Sure, Cross gave me the talk and everything, b-but it hurts when it’s two guys, right?”

“Yeah, it usually does for the uke...” Lavi trailed off and stared at Allen. “Wait, how do you even _know_ that, Allen?”

“U-um... U-uh...” Allen hung his head. “Lenalee’s Yaoi novels.”

Lavi hit the heel of his fist against his open palm. “That would explain it. Don’t worry, she shows those to everyone over the age of twelve.”

Allen gulped. “U-um... Do you think it’ll get us out of this book?”

“Probably.”

“Are you sure?”

“Not entirely.”

The cursed boy sighed. “A-all right, I’ll do it.” He gathered his skirt and started to lift his dress slowly.

Lavi watched in amusement as Allen blushed furiously and whimpered as a small breeze came through. _I wonder if he’s wearing girl panties, too,_ he thought briefly. _One way to find out..._

But just as the hem of the skirt reached Allen’s upper thigh, the fateful flash of light blinded him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru: *at a loss of words*
> 
> Sailor: ...XD
> 
> Allen: Why must you torture me?
> 
> Lavi: ‘Cause it’s fun and we love to see—er read about—your expressions.


	4. One of Those Places

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure many of you noticed that "Attempted Rape/Non-Con" tag? Yeah, this is the chapter I felt warranted the warning. It's not particularly graphic, but it's there. My friend went a little over-the-top.

Allen had the distinct sensation that he was falling, and not just the sensation of falling. He also had another rather _uncomfortable_ sensation in his lower regions. He looked down and wanted to cry. He was wearing another dress, but unlike the others, this one wasn’t modest. _I look like one of Cross’s hookers... Why is it so short?_ He pushed the fluffy skirt down to try and cover himself more, only to have it fluff back up. _I hate life._

Lavi drifted down next to Allen, grinning up a storm. “Nice get up, Allen. Trying for the CSSP look?”

Allen gave Lavi a cold glare. _He’d_ been the one to teach Lavi the acronym for “Cheap Slut Sex Poodle,” and here Lavi was using it against him. “Where are we, and why are we falling?”

“Can’t be sure, but I _think_ we’re falling down a rabbit hole.”

“What gives you that idea?” Allen looked around the dark tunnel. He could barely make out red-and-black checkered walls, something that weren’t in rabbit holes, last he checked.

“Ever heard of Wonderland?” Lavi asked.

“No, and I don’t want to,” Allen replied, still staring around the place as he fell.

A chair floated up, as did a globe and a table of books. Lavi grabbed one of the books and flipped through it, then threw it behind him. Allen caught it and looked at it as well. Inside was nothing but scribbles and rainbows.

Allen stared at the print. “What the heck is this?”

“A Wonderland book.” Lavi leaned back and closed his eyes. “Tell me when we hit the bottom, okay? I need a nap.”

“Uh, Lavi...”

“Not now. I’m napping.”

“But Lavi—”

“Napping!”

“Lavi, you said to—”

“I’m taking a freaking—” Lavi hit the ground. “...nap.”

A few moments later, Allen landed on top of Lavi, straddling his chest. Then Allen let out a shriek of surprise as Lavi’s hand sneaked under his skirt.

“Wow, you’re even wearing women’s underwear,” Lavi said, amazed. He continued feeling Allen up, who was too stunned to move. “I feel lace.”

Finally, Allen was able to react, but the most he could do was scramble away and utter the girliest scream ever heard. “Lavi, you-you pervert!”

“Well, you’re the one wearing the frilliest panties in the universe. How could I resist?” Lavi grinned as he stood up and brushed the dirt off his clothes.

“At least I don’t have rabbit ears,” Allen replied curtly.

The color drained from Lavi’s face. He reached up and tugged the fluffy white things growing out of his head. “I thought you were screaming louder than usual,” he said, scratching his ear. “Oooooooh, now I see why animals like this so much.”

“Lavi, get a grip!” Allen snapped. “We have to get out of here!”

“And how do you suggest that?” Lavi asked.

“W-we could kiss again,” Allen suggested. “That got us out of all the other stories.”

“Only one of the stories,” Lavi reminded him.

“It broke the spell on your sorry ass.”

Lavi ran his fingers through his hair, stopping once more to scratch his rabbit ears. “Allen, I’m not kissing you. You’re not—”

“—A hot, sexy, big-breasted girl,” Allen finished. “I know. I just want to get out of this freaking dress.”

“Aw, but you’re cute in that dress,” Lavi said, smiling evilly. He looked Allen up and down, enjoying the boy’s squirming under his gaze. For this story, Allen had been forced into a much-to-short frilly dress with an even shorter apron. There was a blue satin ribbon in his hair that matched the bow around his waist with trailing ribbons. He also wore white stockings with even more frill and ribbons. Oh, and one mustn’t forget the frilly garter that was strapped high on his left thigh. _Wow. He’s really girly... He doesn’t even have hairy legs!_

“Lavi, stop staring. It’s freaking me out. You’re looking at me like I’m something to eat.”

The evil grin widened. “You could be. Maybe a little blueberry parfait with lots of whipped cream.”

“Don’t! You’re making me hungry!”

“Oh, I’ll make you a lot more than just hungry,” Lavi teased, taking a few steps closer to Allen. “You might not have any boobs, but I’ll deal for now.” He circled Allen like a lecherous lion closing in on its prey.

“L-Lavi, what are you planning?”

Lavi stopped circling. “Oh, nothing.” He pulled Allen into a hug and breathed his flowery scent in deeply. “Wow, you even smell girly!” Little did he know that Allen _always_ smelled like that. His one hand trailed to the front of Allen’s skirt, causing the other boy to let out an unmanly squeak. “I didn’t know you were the mouse, Allen,” Lavi teased. He was just messing with Allen simply because he was bored. There was no other reason.

Allen, though, was too preoccupied to figure that out. _Stay calm, Allen. Stay calm..._ “L-Lavi, stop trying to fondle me.”

“Oh? I thought you liked this sort of thing.”

“H-how’d you know?” Allen breathed.

“I didn’t.” Lavi released Allen. “But you just admitted to this being your twisted fantasy! Ha!”

Allen gaped at Lavi, his mouth opening and closing over and over again in an attempt to make sound. The first word that he managed to form was low and dangerous, enough to make even Kanda run for his life. “Lavi...”

Lavi burst out laughing. “Kinda hard to take you seriously right now, buddy!”

Allen cracked his knuckles.

“Uh...” Lavi inched away from Allen. “I’m late for a very important date!” he cried before running a few meters. He turned back to Allen, as if forgetting something. Allen hoped it was an apology, but this is Lavi, and as all fangirls know, Lavi wouldn’t apologize for something like that.

Lavi rushed up to Allen, flipped the short skirt, and ran off, laughing his ass off as he went.

Allen could only stand there, shocked and hurt. So now Lavi knew his secret, the secret not even Lenalee knew. And Lavi, being the asshole he was, had taken advantage of that secret to pick on him. And yet, Allen couldn’t stay mad at Lavi. He _loved_ Lavi from the bottom of his heart, and even if Lavi had taken the advantage of his being Gay for a sick and twisted joke, Allen couldn’t stay mad at him.

It didn’t take long for the murderous rage to vanish, but by the time it had, Lavi was nowhere to be found. “Lavi?” he called. “Lavi, I’m not mad! Okay, I am, but I won’t kill you, I promise!”

There was no response, and that made Allen worry. “Come back! I don’t know where I’m going! Lavi, help!”

But still there was no answer. Sighing, the unlucky teen chose the direction he thought Lavi had gone and started walking.

The direction took him through one dark path to another, and then another. Soon, Allen was lost in a forest of cardboard trees and candy flowers. Curious, Allen picked one of the flowers and took a nibble, but it tasted like cardboard. “This place makes no sense!” he shouted, throwing the flower on the ground. _Wait, if this place makes no sense..._ He broke off a chunk of the cardboard tree and took a bite. _That_ tasted like candy. “Well, beggars can’t be choosers,” Allen decided before continuing on his way.

_“That’s true, I suppose.”_

Allen froze. The voice had come out of nowhere with no body to accompany it. “W-who’s there?”

_“Who indeed?”_ the voice replied. Road appeared on one of the cardboard tree’s branches wearing a purple-and-pink-striped outfit and cat ears. “I’m Road, the Cheshire Cat. Nice to meet you.”

She hopped down from her perch and circled him. “That’s a cute dress,” she commented. “Are you one of _those_ people?”

“What do you mean?” Allen asked nervously. He pulled the skirt down once more, and even with his best efforts, the dress only went down to mid-thigh.

“You _are_ one of _those_ people,” Road said excitedly. “You’d be awesome as one of my dolls! Can I play with you?”

Allen inched away, still forcing the skirt down. “Play how?” he asked suspiciously.

“Oh, the usual,” Road said, smiling innocently. “I brush your hair, we have tea parties and picnics, make necklaces, play dress up, I have Tyki act out all my Yaoi fantasies on you while I record it, play board games—”

“Wait, what?!” Allen screamed.

“Oh, speaking of Tyki,” Road said, looking past Allen. “Hi, Tyki-pon!”

Allen froze as a heavy hand fell on his puffy sleeve-clad shoulder. “Road, who’s this?”

“He’s one of _those_ people,” Road said, winking.

“I’m not one of those people!” Allen cried, trying to get away from Tyki. The other man held firm.

“That’s a tantalizingly short skirt you have there,” Tyki commented, his free hand trailing down Allen’s back. “I wonder what’s underneath it, hmm?” He slowly untied the big bow on the back.

Road squealed in delight as Allen struggled to get away. “Go get him, Tyki!”

Allen finally was able to pull away, though he didn’t get far because Tyki still had the ribbon of the bow in his hand. The dress ripped, and Allen stopped dead in his tracks.

Tyki licked his lips. “My, my, my... You’re even cuter without that dress on.”

Allen scrambled to hold the torn dress around him. “St-stay back, you!” he shouted. “I-I’m warning you!”

Tyki cocked an eyebrow and adjusted his mad hatter’s hat. “Oh, I’m not gonna hurt you... yet.”

“St-stay back!” Allen grabbed one of the candy flowers and pointed it threateningly at Tyki. “I-I-I’ll scream.”

“Oh, it’s better that way,” Tyki replied. “It puts more pleasure into it, then.”

“What do you mean, plea—SURE!” Road shoved Allen into Tyki mid-word. Tyki caught him and started sliding the dress off Allen’s shoulders.

“Stop that!” Allen shouted, trying to shove Tyki away. The man was just too strong. “Damn it, if I had my Innocence right now—”

“Oh, but you do have your innocence,” Tyki said, his one hand trailing down Allen’s front. “I’ll be taking it from you soon.”

“NOOOOO!” Allen pulled away, only to be caught by this Wonderland’s March Hare, Sheryl. He stared at the rabbit-eared man, and then said, “Who the hell are you? I don’t even know you!”

“Whee!” Road cheered. “Three-some! Three-some!”

Allen couldn’t take anymore. He started sobbing. “Don’t encourage them!” He didn’t try to fight anymore as Sheryl put him in an arm lock and Tyki grabbed his legs.

They carried Allen through the cardboard tree forest to a small clearing, where they knocked all the teapots and teacups off the long table. They dropped Allen on this table, but before Allen could scramble away, Sheryl held his arms down.

“You bastards! Let me go!” Allen shouted, trying to fight the two perverts off.

“We’ll let you go once we’re done with you,” Tyki promised.

“What do you mean once you’re done with me?” Allen screamed at them.

“Well, we both want a piece of your cute little ass,” Sheryl explained.

Allen started struggling even more. “No! The only one allowed to get a piece of me is La—I mean—big-breasted women!”

“We could get Lulubell here after we’re finished, if you like,” offered Tyki.

“Just get on with it, Tyki! I want a piece of him, too!”

“Oh, fine.” Tyki bent over Allen and attacked his neck with his tongue.

Allen, of course, wasn’t having any of this and jerked his head so that it smacked Tyki in a makeshift head butt.

Tyki gave Allen a dark look. “Fine, then I’ll just get on with it, if you’re so impatient.” He started spreading Allen’s legs.

* * *

Lavi, meanwhile, had finally stopped running and laughing. “Man, sorry Allen. It’s just too much fun to pick on...” He trailed off when he realized Allen wasn’t with him. “Allen?” He looked around. He was also in the cardboard forest, and close enough to hear Allen scream. “Allen!”

Lavi rushed in the direction of the scream and after a few minutes of tripping over cardboard roots and candy flowers, stumbled upon the tea party garden. His jaw dropped at what he found.

Allen was sprawled on the table with some rabbit-man holding his arms over his head while Tyki molested him. Allen’s clothes, or what remained of them, were in tatters. Tears streamed down Allen’s face as Tyki started fingering Allen.

“Hey!” Lavi shouted, grabbing a heavy cardboard stick off the ground. “Get your hands off him!”

All heads turned to Lavi. “What, you want some of this, too?” Sheryl asked innocently. “By all means, get over here. You can help me out until Tyki’s done.”

“Ew! No! Big-breasted women only!” Lavi shouted, swinging the stick. A stray thought popped in his head, making him blush. _And maybe a bit of Allen ‘cause he looks so... so..._ Lavi shook his head. _No! Don’t think that stuff until _after_ you save Allen! No, better yet, don’t think it at all!_

All heads turned back to Allen as the poor little uke shouted, “Lavi, help me! Please get them off me!” He started struggling again, and Lavi had to remind himself once more that guys didn’t turn him on. Well, maybe Allen did, but that’s another story.

“Allen, I’ll save you!” Lavi said, snapping out of his almost trance-like state.

“About freaking time! You’ve just been staring while Tyki’s doing unmentionable things to me and my ass!”

Lavi charged, cardboard stick in hand. Tyki and Sheryl released Allen and ran away, yelling something about, “Oh no! He’s got a stick!” After all, this was Wonderland, and who knows, a stick could be the equivalent of a machine gun.

“Allen, you okay?” Lavi asked.

“No, I’m not okay!” Allen sobbed. “I just got raped!”

“Wait, what?” Lavi’s eyes widened. “Did he... you know...” He trailed off when Allen buried his face in Lavi’s coat. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I won’t do it again.” Lavi gently pushed Allen away so he could take off his coat and put it around Allen’s shoulders.

Little did Lavi know that Allen was milking the situation for all it was worth. Hey, Lavi had left him alone to get raped, after all. Allen thought he deserved a little pity. “Lavi... Is my virginity gone ‘cause he stuck a finger up my ass?”

Lavi stared down at Allen. “Wait, that’s all he did? He didn’t do the whole kitten caboodle?”

Allen shook his head. “N-no... H-he did fondle me a lot, though.”

“Allen, you’re still a virgin. Don’t worry.” Lavi closed his eye, but the image of Allen naked was burned into his retina. “Allen, button up that coat so I don’t have to see you naked, please.”

Allen blushed furiously as he buttoned up Lavi’s coat. “U-um... Lavi, are you mad at me?”

Lavi opened his eye. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“W-well... Because... uh...”

Lavi sighed. “Don’t bother answering that question. No, I’m not mad at you.” He helped Allen off the table and kept him standing even as the boy’s legs shook terribly. “Come on, I saw a dress tree back there. We’ll get you something else to wear.”

“I’m sick of dresses,” Allen muttered as Lavi led him down the path out of the garden.

“Sorry. I didn’t see any shirt and pant bushes anywhere,” he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“That’s not funny,” Allen muttered. “Dresses are evil things. Eviler than the Akuma and the Earl combined.”

They reached the tree Lavi had seen, and the redhead climbed the branches to get the most modest dress, a pale blue dress with a forget-me-not pattern on the skirt. He tossed it down to Allen, and by the time he was out of the tree, Allen had it on.

_Fwoop!_ The skirt, which had been ankle-length, shortened to mid-thigh like the other had been. _Poof!_ Now the skirt was one big frilly mess. Allen picked at the skirt, and then muttered crossly, “Have I mentioned how much I hate life?”

Lavi, on the other hand, just burst out laughing. “I think it’s shorter than the last one!”

“I want a knife. I’m going to kill myself now.” Allen sighed and turned to go search for an implement of his own destruction, but a rustling in the bushes made them both freeze.

“How dare you pick a dress from the queen’s tree!”

They both turned and stared at a giant talking playing card with hands, feet, face, and a spear, which he pointed at them. “Come with me for your punishment.”

“We’ll play along for now,” Lavi whispered as a card grabbed his arm. Another grabbed Allen’s.

“Lavi!” Allen reached out to take the redhead’s hand, but his guard jerked him away. “Damn it, let me go!” He stopped and stared as the card tried to reach for Allen’s short skirt. The problem was, the card’s hands were attached to his body and it didn’t have arms, so the effort was rather futile. “Why is everyone trying to molest me?!”

Lavi noticed and called over, “Just try to act interested! They’ll leave you alone if you do!”

Allen did as Lavi said, even though it didn’t make much sense, and guess what? It worked. The card became completely uninterested in the fact that Allen was wearing a short skirt, which was just fine with him.

The card guards led Allen and Lavi out of the woods and into yet another clearing. This one had a large lake with lotus flowers floating on the surface and an island in the middle. On the island was a much too large desk, and behind that desk sat Kanda, looking as ill-tempered as ever.

“Before you sits the Queen of Spades!” the guard said, kicking Allen and Lavi in the back of the knees so they’d collapse into a kneeling position. As he fell, Allen pulled down the skirt to make sure nothing showed. The last thing he needed was the guard seeing his naked ass.

“Your Highness,” the other card said, “these trespassers stole a dress from your garden.”

As Kanda and the card discussed what happened, Lavi glanced over at Allen. “Dude, wouldn’t it be hysterical if Kanda was in a dress too?”

Allen smiled weakly. “I wish.”

The discussion over, Kanda stood, revealing a black dress with the spades symbol on the front. “Very well,” he said to the guard. “You’ve caught me in a good mood today, so I’ll let you both off easy. You,” he said to Lavi, “must wash all the floors in the castle with your own toothbrush. And as for you,” Kanda said, turning to Allen, “off with your dress!”

“But I don’t have anything underneath it,” Allen muttered.

And Kanda, being the heartless bastard that he was, replied, “Like I care. Give us all a show, then.”

Allen’s jaw dropped. Then his dark side came out once more. “That’s it! I’m sick of this fucking place! Lavi, we’re leaving!” He grabbed Lavi and kissed him on the lips. Lavi pulled Allen closer, and as their lips parted, the scene around them faded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru: Well, that was some massive Allen molestation.
> 
> Sailor: ...But the fangirls will be happy.
> 
> Lavi: And we must always appease the fangirls.
> 
> Allen: Stupid fangirls.
> 
> Lavi: Well, it could be worse, Allen. They could be writing their own stories of you getting raped by Tyki rather than just reading.
> 
> Allen: ...Have I mentioned how much I hate life?


	5. Tests of Love and Patience

Things greatly improved as far as Allen was concerned when the light faded. He was sitting at a long table with the granddaddy of all feasts laid about before him and nine others, all girls. The smell made Allen's mouth water, but before he could reach for a drumstick, the doors to the banquet hall opened.

Bookman entered with Lavi right behind him. Lavi saw Allen and stopped in his tracks. Bookman turned and raised an eyebrow at his apprentice, and Lavi acted like he'd just dropped something.

Allen returned to gazing upon the feast that was before him. His mouth watered at the sight of every food he could ever wish for. He reached for the food and had his hand smacked away.

"Not now, young lady. You must wait for the Prince to start before his maidens do.”

_Maidens? _Allen asked himself. He had not realized that, again, he was in a tight dress with frills. "You've got to be kidding me. Why am I always the girl in this situation?" he grumbled to himself and sat back in his seat, trying to forget about all the yummy food that was placed in front of him.

Lavi and Bookman both sat at the head of the table. Well, Lavi did. Bookman stayed standing and addressed all the girls in the room.

"Welcome, and thank you for coming. As you know, my son, Prince Lavi, is in need of a bride. I hope one among you may be the perfect princess for his lonely heart."

_What a load of bullshit,_ Lavi thought as Bookman continued to speak, looking up and down the table of lovely ladies and Allen. Bookman had explained to him that there would be a series of tests to find the 'true' princess among them. The final test gave away what story they were in, and Lavi knew that Allen would be the 'princess' he'd be forced to marry.

"...And with all that said, may the feast begin!" Bookman said before sitting down.

Allen tried to hold back his urge to scarf down all the food in his sight. The girls sitting next to him were using their silverware and were eating like... well, Princesses. Allen, on the other hand, was reaching for the meatiest chicken leg on the table and diving right into it. One girl gasped in shock as Allen devoured the food. Another girl, who was sitting next to Allen, elbowed him in the side and told to slow it down and take small bites.

Lavi, all the way across the table, was watching in amusement. Every once in a while, he looked up, or should I say, over at Bookman. He whispered to his supposed 'father' in this story, "Oi, I do like a girl who can eat." He pointed over the Allen. Bookman snorted and wrote down Allen's name on a small piece of paper, along with some other names of the girls sitting at the table.

After the main course was finished (mostly by Allen), the servants brought out the most delicious looking cake in the universe. Allen felt his mouth watering as the servants cut slices and placed one in front of each guest. It was a Black Forest cake, one of Allen’s (many) favorite foods.

One oversized bite later, Allen knew something was off. There was something that didn't belong in the super delicious cake. He took another bite. The dark chocolate was there. Another bite. There were plenty of cherries. _Chomp._ There was the problem. Mixed in with the chocolate layers was something fruity. Something... _lemony_.

Allen raised his hand to get Bookman's attention. When the old panda looked at him with a raised eyebrow, he asked, "Um... Is lemon some kind of specialty of this country or something?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

"Er... There's some in this cake, and I was just curious." Allen looked back down at his half-eaten cake, a little embarrassed as the girls around him giggled.

Bookman became very interested in Allen. The boy, dressed as a girl, was the only one who could point out what was wrong with the cake. He had what it took to become the prince's bride. But there were other tests that needed to be fulfilled. "After everyone is done with their dessert, I would like all of you to continue towards the parlor. We have a special surprise for you." Bookman closed his notes and tapped Lavi on the shoulder. "Come on, stupid son. We need to prepare things." Bookman and Lavi excused themselves from the room.

Allen gave Lavi a questioning gaze, but the redhead shrugged his shoulders and left the room after the Old Panda.

Allen was the first to finish his cake, despite the lemony taste, and was confused when the girls glared at him for standing.

"What do you think you're doing?" one of the girls all but snarled.

"Uh... I'm going to the parlor, like Bookman said," Allen replied.

Everyone's eyes narrowed dangerously, making Allen flinch and think of Kanda. The two girls on either side of him grabbed his shoulders and forced him back down into his seat.

"No one leaves until we all leave!" another girl snapped. "No one's allowed to get comfy with the prince!"

“So in other words...” Allen concluded, “I have to stay here until you all finish your cake.” He sighed and watched as all the girls politely nibbled away at their desert. Many set down their forks and struck up a conversation with the girl next to them, though their words seemed strained with concealed hatred and rivalry. Allen wouldn’t have minded this, but the girls who had finished were talking to those who were still eating.

“Uh... Um...” All eyes turned on Allen. “If you aren’t going to finish your cake... I’ll eat it.”

A couple girls giggled, and there were mutterings of wonder at how such a pig could possibly have been invited to such a prestigious occasion such as meeting the prince. Still, they passed their unfinished cakes over to the bottomless pit and watched in amusement as Allen chowed down.

Once all the cakes were sitting in front of Allen, the girls stood up, all smiling. “Well, as we’re done with our cake, we’ll be heading to the parlor.”

“Hey wait!” Allen tried to shout, but it came out garbled because of the mass amounts of cake in his mouth. He swallowed hard and managed to choke out, “Let me finish the cake! We’re all supposed to go together, right?”

“But Bookman said to come when we were done with our dessert,” one reminded him. “Were you so busy eating that you didn’t hear?” She laughed lightly as she went out with the rest of the girls.

Allen glared at their backs, but he didn’t have the heart to leave such wonderful food to waste, and so he crammed as much as he could into his mouth before rushing after them, cursing the heels he was wearing all the way.

And of course the heels got in his way even more once he stumbled into the parlor. One of the girls decided to use his lack of balance against him and just gave him the smallest of nudges, which caused him to trip rather spectacularly over his own two feet.

Lucky for Allen, Lavi noticed and managed to catch him before his face plowed into the floor. “You okay, Allen?”

“I-I’m fine,” Allen stuttered back. He tried to stand on his own without Lavi’s help but let out a small yelp of pain and fell on his butt instead. “I... I think I sprained my ankle.” He felt the color rise to his cheeks. A sprained ankle was such a _girly_ and pathetic injury.

“Only you, Allen,” Lavi chuckled.

Allen’s face turned an even deeper shade at Lavi’s teasing. “You wouldn’t be so great in heels either,” he muttered, looking down so Lavi wouldn’t see the bright crimson on his face.

“Well, we can’t really finish this fairy tale with you on the floor,” Lavi said, ignoring Allen’s embarrassed mumblings, “so upsidaisy!” He scooped Allen up into his arms, just like a groom carries a bride. “Now, let’s find you a place to sit, neh?”

“Lavi! Put me down! I can walk!” Allen cried, struggling to get Lavi to let go.

Somehow, Lavi was able to hold on despite the other boy’s struggling. “Allen, do you want me to drop you?”

Allen instantly stopped fighting and clung to Lavi. “I don’t want to fall again.”

“Good, now let’s get you a chair.” Lavi set Allen down in a large squishy armchair and pushed the footstool closer. “There. Comfy?”

“Uh, um...” Allen’s eyes strayed over to the girls, all of whom were giving him the evil death glare. “Y-yes, I’m fine. Sorry to cause you trouble.”

Lavi raised an eyebrow at his friend, then spun around quickly to see what Allen was looking at. Just as he turned, though, the girls all dispersed and pretended to be looking at the artwork on the walls or the piano in the center of the room.

“Ahem,” Bookman coughed, catching everyone’s attention. “Now that all the distractions are out of the way, I’ve asked a pianist to play a couple pieces for us all. If you would all take a seat, he will begin.”

Everyone did as Bookman said, and then the pianist entered the room. Lavi raised an eyebrow at the strange shadow-like being that hovered over to the piano and sat. Allen, meanwhile, started hyperventilating.

_Oh God, what’s that thing doing here?! Why is it here? Why—?_

“You okay?” Lavi whispered.

“J-just a little surprised,” Allen lied, faking a smile. “I thought it was an Akuma for a minute there.”

“Yeah right,” Lavi muttered before turning back to the strange shadow. During their brief conversation, the shadow had started playing a strangely upbeat tune Lavi would’ve thought impossible of something so creepy.

The first song ended, and then a second, a slower, gentler tune, started. Allen couldn’t help but relax as the music made him sleepy. He’d almost drifted off by the time he heard it. He sat bolt upright and stared at the shadow. _Did it just—?_

It did it again even as he was wondering. It played a wrong note. It wasn’t a blatantly wrong note, but it was _definitely_ wrong. And despite the note being wrong, no one else seemed to notice.

“What’s up?” Lavi asked lazily. He seemed to have almost nodded off like everyone else in the room. Well, everyone but Bookman and the shadow, at least.

“It played a wrong note,” Allen said bluntly.

“And you’re getting upset because of a wrong note?”

“No, but um—”

Bookman shot a cold look at the two and shushed them.

“But—” Lavi tried to say but was interrupted.

“Quiet, Lavi.”

“But Allen said that... shadow thingie played a wrong note.”

Bookman pulled out his notebook and wrote, “Princess Allen Walker,” quickly. “Keep comments to the end of the performance,” he stated firmly.

All the girls seconded that notion by giving Allen another dark look, as if to say, “How dare you talk during the entertainment the king has given us?”

Allen sighed and continued to listen to the shadow purposely mess up the performance. _First it's lemon in the cake, and now it's the music. It's like everything I know a lot about is wrong... Is this some kind of test or something_? Allen leaned his elbow on the chair’s armrest. _I just wish this stupid fairy tale was over._ He glanced over at Lavi; the redhead seemed bored by the music.

"Hey, Lavi," Allen whispered, making sure Bookman didn't hear them.

"Hmm?" Lavi snapped out of his bored state and looked over to Allen. "What's up? Is your ankle bothering you?"

Allen turned pink at the thought that Lavi was still caring for him. "Uh- Lavi? Can we stop listening to this? The wrong notes are killing me. You're the Prince, right? Can't you do anything to stop this and move on?" Allen unconsciously reached down to his ankle. It looked like it was swelling up and he winced at his own touch. "My ankle isn't feeling right, and I think I need to lie down."

Lavi saw the tired look in Allen's eye and sighed. He glanced over at Bookman, instantly getting the old man 's attention. "Oi, Panda, can we do something else? This is boring me, and our guests, to tears."

The girls all nodded, even though that obviously wasn't the case for them. They were just agreeing to agree with the prince, even though they'd been enjoying the music quite a bit.

Bookman sighed and nodded to the shadow, who stopped playing. "It's getting late anyway," he said, standing. "The servants will show you all to your rooms. I hope the accommodations are to your liking."

Allen's ankle was still sore, and he was having a hard time walking down the hallway to his assigned bedroom. Lavi noticed the smaller's limp and helped him out a little. Okay, a lot. Allen, once again, was picked up bridal-style and carried to his sleeping quarters.

"I-I can walk," Allen stuttered. "My ankle's not that bad." He cast a worried glance at the girls in the procession behind them.

The glance didn't escape Lavi's notice. "Are you seriously worried about what they think?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'm not worried about what they _think_," Allen replied. He shifted nervously in Lavi's arms. "I'm worried about what they'll _do_."

Lavi sighed dramatically. "Oh come on, Allen! The worst they can do to you is mess up your hair just to make sure that I don't pick you." He continued carrying Allen bridal-style. "And just so you know," Lavi whispered, "you've got them beat, and I will pick you any time."

Allen yipped, almost making Lavi drop him. "Lavi, don't say that kind of stuff!" _You're getting my hopes up, you stupid Rabbit._ The deep red-color rose to Allen's cheeks, and he crossed his arms.

"Oh, but I mean it~!" Lavi teased.

"No, you don't," Allen said firmly, more to convince himself that Lavi was teasing him than to make Lavi admit the truth.

Lavi smirked and stopped before one door. A servant opened it for him, and he couldn't help but frown at the contents of the room. "Wow. This story has it in for you." For a moment, Allen could only nod.

In the center was a stack of mattresses that almost touched the ceiling. A ladder was propped against the mattress so that the princess sleeping in this room would be able to climb to the top. But in Allen's case, climbing would be near impossible because of his ankle.

"Bloody hell!" Allen yelled. "Who needs that many mattresses?! I mean honestly! To the ceiling?" Allen almost fell out of Lavi's arm from his ranting. "I hate life. I hate life. Have I mentioned how much I hate life? How the hell am I supposed to get up that thing with this bum ankle!?"

Lavi raised an eyebrow. "Bum ankle? I thought you said you were perfectly fine," he teased, making Allen blush. "I guess I can try to help you. I'm not quite sure how well it's going to work, but- Oh! What about this? You cling onto my back and then I climb up. Just make sure you don't let go."

Allen only sighed at Lavi’s proposed idea. "I guess we can try that."

And so they changed positions. Once Allen was settled on Lavi's back and clinging for dear life, the redhead started the long climb up the mountain of mattresses. After about four minutes of difficult climbing that made Lavi thankful for his muscles, he'd scaled up the ladder and was at last at the top.

Once there, Lavi tumbled forward, somehow getting him and Allen in a very compromising position. Allen laid on top of Lavi, straddling Lavi's waist and face planted into Lavi's neck. Lavi, on the other hand, had his arms spread out and legs falling over the edge of the mattress. He stared at Allen as the boy groaned and lifted himself up. The fall had caused Allen to hurt himself further. "Ow.... Lavi... why did you do that?" With his innocent face, Allen stared at his friend beneath him.

Lavi caught his breath, seeing Allen’s face so close to his own. "Sorry, Allen. I just missed the last step on the ladder and fell." Allen's cheeks were sprinkled with pink when he saw Lavi move a hand towards his face. "Are you okay? I didn't hurt you more, did I?"

Allen couldn't help but lean in. "N-no, I'm fine." Lavi saw the blush on Allen's cheeks. He took his other hand and caressed Allen's cheek. Their lips were so close to touching, but right when Allen could feel Lavi's breath, the future Bookman pulled away.

"Sorry, I- I just... Nevermind."

Allen blinked down at Lavi, confused. Then, he felt his cheeks burn even more. _Holy crap, what just happened?!_ He'd only just now realized the compromising position they were in and how close they'd been to kissing. _I'm such an idiot! God, why'd I do that?_ Allen wished for a hole to crawl into where Lavi wouldn't be anywhere near him.

"Mind getting off of me?" Lavi asked as Allen mentally banged his head against a wall. "I kinda have to climb back down, and if you cut off the circulation to my legs..."

"Oh! Sorry!" Allen scrambled off his crush and tried to fake a smile. He watched Lavi climb down the ladder, but just before he disappeared from the room, Allen called, "Good night."

Lavi closed the door behind him and shook his head. "What the hell got into me? I can't- BIG-BREASTED WOMEN!" he reassured himself so he’d know that there weren't any issues with his sexuality, but his mind wandered back to the moment he and Allen had shared. He was so close to just pulling Allen down and kissing him until they had no more air left in them. But he couldn't let himself do that. He was to be Bookman in the future, after all.

That decided, Lavi headed down the hall to his own room.

* * *

Back in Allen's room, there was a major problem. Whenever he tried to lay down, a stabbing pain would shoot up his spine, and no matter where he laid or what position he was in, the pain shot through him. Grumbling, he grabbed his pillow, set it over where the discomfort seemed to originate from, and laid down once more. Again, it did no good.

Adding his blanket to the top of the pillow, the pain still pinpointed its way to Allen's back. "Gah! What the heck is up with this fairy tale? How can I have so many mattresses and yet still be so uncomfortable!?" Allen decided against his hurt ankle and climbed back down the ladder.

As he climbed down, he ran through a mental list of fairy tales dealing with mattresses. It didn't take him long to come to the conclusion that they were stuck in "Princess and the Pea." _Well, there's got to be a pea somewhere,_ he decided, feeling around under the lower mattresses, somehow without his hand getting crushed under the weight.

After twenty mattresses, he at last found the pea. He glared at the source of his back pains. "Stupid pea," he grumbled to it, despite the evil thing being an inanimate object (and a dry, hard, inedible one at that). He flicked it across the room, then climbed back up into his bed despite his protesting ankle and sighed happily when he was at last able to close his eyes.

Allen laid down on the bed, his eyes closed and his mind almost off in dreamland—not wonderland, dreamland—when the owl outside the window began to hoot.

Allen twitched and sat up. "Shut up, you stupid owl!" he shouted grumpily. When his yelling didn't work (obviously), he picked up his pillow and threw it with all his might. It smacked against the window, scaring the owl away.

"Finally..." Allen muttered, laying down once more.

* * *

Meanwhile, Lavi lay in a normal bed in a normal room with no owls outside his window. The only thing that was the same between him and Allen was that he couldn't fall asleep either. His mind kept wandering to what had nearly happened earlier. _I almost kissed Allen, and it wasn't against my will. I wanted to do that to him._ Lavi rolled onto his side. His eye patch lay on the side table next to him.

"Ugh, I want to go home." _Home? No. The Order can never be home; nothing can. But I guess home is where the heart is. Wait, I have no heart, therefore I have no home. _He rolled onto his other side, not finding the other side comfortable enough. Soon enough he flipped to his back, breathing in heavily. "I think I like Allen."

It sounded even stranger out loud than in his head, but somehow, it sounded _right_. "I can't like Allen," Lavi decided, despite how right the strange statement had sounded before. "I only like big-breasted women." That in mind, his eyelids started drooping. "Big... _yawn_ breasted women..."

Somehow a picture of a beautiful, and large-chested, women popped into his head. Slowly, she got taller, her hair shortened and turned white, and her breasts deflated to a perfectly flat chest. The picture of the women turned into that of Allen. "Gah!" His body was tired, but his mind wouldn't let him sleep.

* * *

The morning seemed to come too fast for the two. Just when they finally fell asleep, the light in the room gathered and woke them again. Allen rolled over to his side, almost falling off the edge of his stacked bed. Lavi had his sheets all over the place and his hair a mess. But the redhead found it in himself to get up and go help Allen out of his own bed.

"I can do it myself, Lavi!" he cried down to the future Bookman, who stood only feet beneath Allen. The boy was trying to get himself, and his bum ankle, down the ladder without hurting himself.

Lavi grinned his crooked grin. "You sure about that, _Princess_?" he teased.

"Yes, I'm—" Allen slipped on one of the rungs in the ladder and fell backwards, "—ahh!" Lavi ended up catching him before he could do any real damage to himself. "Um... Thanks," he muttered awkwardly.

Lavi set his friend down on the ground, sighing at Allen's clumsiness. "Come on, Allen. We have to go figure out this fairy tale and find a way to get out of here."

Allen started to grumble. "I already know which fairy tale this is. It's that stupid Princess and the Pea. Have you ever heard that one, Lavi?"

"Heard it?" Lavi repeated. "I know that one by heart! There are dozens of different versions, but there's always a pea and a princess who can feel it through all the mattresses."

"Yeah, I know," Allen grumbled, rubbing his lower back. He still hurt from the stupid thing, despite ridding himself of it early in the night.

"Why are you rubbing your back, Allen?" Lavi teased. "Only the chosen one can feel the pea underneath all of those mattresses. Unless..."

"Shit, that means we have to get married doesn't it?"

Lavi sighed. "You know, I seriously think this book's trying to get us together," he commented, opening the door to the dining room for Allen.

Allen would've replied, but he stopped dead in his tracks. The princesses were already at their seats and seeing Lavi enter with Allen on his arm made their eyes narrow. _Oh crap._

The two hadn't slept well, so their hair was a mess, deep bags formed under their eyes, and Allen was limping. You do the math. Those other girls in the room were glaring up a storm, thinking that Allen had already gotten a swing with the prince. Lavi helped Allen to his seat. The princesses continued to sneer at poor little Allen.

Once Lavi was on the other side of the table and in his seat, the girl next to Allen snapped. "How dare you take the Prince for yourself. I'm sure you enjoyed your little rendezvous with him, but you will never get him." A couple other girls nodded in agreement. "So back off, small fry."

Allen twitched. He was small, yes, even smaller than the women around him. But he was adorable, so it leveled out the field for him at the least. "Nothing happened last night. It's just that stupid pea underneath all of my mattresses was bothering me. I’m very sensitive, I guess."

Out of nowhere, from behind Allen, Bookman gasped. He quickly wrote Allen's name down once more and tapped him on the shoulder. "Will you come with me, Princess Allen?"

It wasn't like Allen could say no to the "king" of the country, so he allowed Bookman to lead him up to the head of the table where Lavi sat and turned to the angry princesses. "I am proud to announce," he called to those present, "that Princess Allen Walker has passed all the tests. Unbeknownst to any of you, she has proven herself worthy of becoming my son's queen." All the girls gasped, but Bookman continued as if he hadn't been interrupted. "You all may go back to your kingdoms. Your carriages are waiting."

Allen almost fell to the floor from being called a girl so many times. _Damn, stupid fairy tales and their gender confusing-ness._ Allen growled, just like the girls that passed him on their way out. "So, when is the wedding?" Allen asked Bookman, seeing that Lavi had no clue whatsoever about it.

"Now." It was a bit sudden, but things are always rushed in fairy tales. Princess meets Prince, some task needs to be overcome, someone gets hurt, the Prince's kiss breaks the spell, and they live happily ever after, the end. "One of the maids will show you to your dressing room, where you will be fitted for your wedding dress.”

"Ah crap, not another dress. Have I mentioned how much I—"

Allen was cut off by Lavi, who was up on his feet and ready for anything that could be thrown at him. Even a wedding. "How much you hate life? Why, yes you have my dear Allen." Lavi chuckled. "Come on, it's not that bad. All we have to do is go through with the ceremony. It doesn't really mean anything anyway. Right, Allen?"

Allen gulped. Sure, they were in a different dimension, inside the book with Innocence, but Allen knew everything was real. The food tasted real, the fresh flowers smelled real, and Lavi's kisses were real enough to him.

Lavi saw Allen's bright face dim with sadness. "Allen?" He set a hand on his friend’s shoulder. "We can get through this, I promise." He nudged Allen and smiled. "Cheer up, buddy. Just think, after this we either get out of here or have another fun adventure!"

Allen sighed. He wasn't sure if Lavi was being sarcastic about the whole "fun adventure" thing, but at the moment, those were the only two possibilities after their kiss.

They would've talked longer, but the maids were getting impatient. One gave Allen a little shove and forced him from the room for the fitting, and Allen didn't see Lavi again until he was forced in the poofiest white dress in the known universe and walking down the aisle.

The music started, and Allen took deep breaths. _It doesn't mean anything, Allen. Just keep walking and make sure you don't_ _trip. You're only getting married to the person you like. It's no big deal._ Allen felt his chest tighten.

Lavi was now before him in a white tuxedo with blue and gold fringe. "Hey, ready for this Allen?" Lavi seemed a little red in the cheeks. "We either go home or on to the next story. You never know." Lavi took Allen's hand and led him forward. _This is the only chance I get to have a wedding day, even if it isn't for real. At least I have a memory of something good. Who cares if it’s with Allen?_ Lavi stared at Allen with his only eye.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today..." the priest spoke and Allen tensed.

"Calm down, Allen." Lavi squeezed his friend's hand tighter. "Please don't ruin my only chance at this," he mumbled inaudible words to Allen.

After moments of speech by the priest the words finally came: "You may kiss the bride."

Allen would have fainted if Lavi didn't catch him in time. He pulled Allen close, milking the situation for all of what it was worth. Soon, Allen's feet were pulled off the ground as Lavi lifted Allen's small frame up into the deep kiss. At first, their lips were tense, but they soon melted into each other. Allen was usually the one who was willingly kissing, but this time it was Lavi. Too bad for Allen, his rushing thoughts caused him to faint in Lavi's arms.

"Allen?" Lavi finally realized that he pretty much sucked all of the life out of Allen with the kiss. "Heh, I guess we'll see if we get home or not." The scene around them lit up in white patterns that resembled Allen's dress. "Please let it be home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru- Did Lavi purposely make the kiss deeper?
> 
> Sailor- Of course he did.
> 
> Lavi- I did not! I- I just-just- *huffs and puffs*
> 
> Allen- Wha?
> 
> Koru- *tiny voice* Yay for Laven. <3


	6. Say My Name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter that warrants that attempted non-con tag. Just FYI. This one's about the same as the last.

This time, Allen woke up in a relatively normal place. In fact, it was so normal, Allen would've thought the entire thing with the fairy tales and the Akuma before them were just part of one hugely screwed up dream and that he was still with Mana. He would've thought all this if it weren't for the fact he was in yet another nightgown.

"Not again..." Allen muttered, climbing out of bed and staring around the bare room. "Where the heck am I now?"

Glancing out the window, Allen saw a field with a man standing in it. The man was older, and much to Allen's surprise, he knew the man. It was none other than General Tiedoll. Allen looked past the field to the castle far off in the distance. "Okay, seeing just a castle isn't narrowing my options down."

As Allen watched Tiedoll set his tools aside, some children ran up to him from the field's edge. Tiedoll smiled at the children and adjusted his glasses. "Good morning," he said brightly.

The kids, all boys between the ages of seven and ten, laughed to each other before looking up into Tiedoll's cheerful face. "So tell us about your daughter," the eldest said, grinning.

"Ah." Tiedoll took his glasses off and rubbed at a thumbprint with his shirt. "Her voice is so beautiful, birds have tried to court her."

The boys tried to keep a straight face as another asked, "How pretty is she?"

"So pretty, flowers wilt in shame."

"What else can she do?" piped up the smallest boy. All the others groaned. Allen couldn't tell why until Tiedoll more than happily answered the boy's question.

"Her smile can make the sun rise. She could knit the midnight sky. She's so wonderful..." he paused, whether for dramatic effect or to think of something, Allen didn't know. "She's so wonderful, she could spin straw into gold!"

Allen slapped his forehead. He liked Tiedoll a lot, but this was so like him. No wonder Kanda hated the guy so much. He chuckled again as the boy laughed and Tiedoll insisted. The real Tiedoll wouldn't realize they were teasing him either.

Allen decided to sit down on his small bed in the bare room. These fairy tales were getting to be too much for him. Thank God his ankle had healed from the last one.

Just as he finally felt calm, he heard a horn blare beyond the window. Curious, he stood back up and watched for what all the commotion was about. A tall, pale, dark-haired man stood with a flag in one hand and a horn in the other. It was Krory. Allen couldn't help but snicker at the sight. "I wonder what role Krory is going to play in this tall tale?"

Just then Allen heard Krory announce. " I, the king’s messenger-"

"Oh, that's just too good." Allen hid his laughter.

The rest of Krory's statement was lost in Allen's small chuckles, but whatever it was, it made Tiedoll's expression change from enjoyment to horror. That was enough to make Allen lean out the window to try and hear what was going on.

"B-but you can't take her," Tiedoll said. That was the first time Allen ever heard him so worried.

"The king simply wishes to test if she can really spin straw into gold as you claim, " Krory replied seriously.

Tiedoll eyes widened in horror. "But it was a simple li-"

Krory cut him off. "I must take her to the king. Where is she?" Allen ducked down beneath the windowsill when Krory looked his way. _Something bad is about to happen,_ he thought.

“Is she up there?” It wasn’t a question. “I can still see your fingers!”

Stupid Allen had forgotten to take his hands off the sill. He cursed himself. He slowly, unwillingly, stood up again and called back, “What do you want with me?” he called down to Krory.

“His Majesty, King Cross, wishes to see you.”

_Cross._ Allen twitched. “Tell him I’d rather die than see him!” Even in a dream, Allen didn’t want to deal with his old master. Unless, of course, it included putting Cross through all the abuse he’d been put through.

“No, you can’t take her!” Tiedoll whined.

“Che.” Kanda, who’d been ignored and lost in the background until now, stepped out of his shroud of silence and kicked down the door. “It’s His Majesty’s order. She’s coming whether she wants to or not.”

Allen scrambled away from his bedroom door, and before he could grab a dress to at least pull on over his nightgown, Kanda crashed down the door and grabbed his arm. Soon, Allen was tossed over the back of Kanda’s horse like a sack of potatoes, and they were on their way to the castle.

On the way, a few people stared at the group, especially Allen in his nightgown, until they saw the royal crest on Krory. Then they seemed to stop questioning it and went back to their normal business. _So he’s a womanizer, even in this world,_ Allen thought with a sigh. Great. So now the imaginary world thought he was a whore.

“I don’t want to go to Cross!” Allen shouted, struggling against the bonds Kanda had put him in. “He’s an evil, evil man!”

“Tough.”

They reached the castle, and Kanda flung Allen over his shoulder like dead weight with a small grunt. “Put me down,” Allen complained.

Kanda ignored him, and the two went through the castle’s halls. Allen didn’t bother struggling, and without the added effort, Kanda soon dropped him on the floor before Cross’s throne.

“So this is the young woman I’ve heard so much about,” Cross said, fingering his rings with a small smile. “The one who can spin straw into gold.”

Allen blinked. “Come again?” Then he realized what the kooky king was talking about. “Oh! Um... Tiedoll was exaggerating. I can’t really do anything like that.”

Cross frowned. “Really now?” Allen could tell by his voice that he didn’t believe him. “Perhaps you and your father want to keep those riches to yourself.” He smiled again. “Kanda, take her to her room.”

Kanda tilted his head. “Which one? _That_ room, or the room full of straw?”

“The room full of straw!” Cross shouted angrily. He threw his empty goblet at Kanda, who slashed it in half with his katana.

Kanda muttered something but didn’t argue. He carried Allen to another room and undid his bonds.

Allen's nostrils were filled with the scent of hay. It was all around him. In barrels to the side of him, behind him, and every which direction in the room. _I don't even want to think of what the other room looks like._ Allen shuddered at the thought of all sorts of sexual contraptions that were probably placed in the _other_ room.

"Now you're going to stay in here and spin all of this straw into gold. King Cross wishes it, so it must be done." Kanda slammed the door, leaving Allen in the room alone, sitting on the floor, and on the verge of crying.

_Mustn't get discouraged! _Allen thought stubbornly. He stood and walked over to the spinning wheel. _Well, this is a fairy tale. Maybe I magically have the ability to spin straw into gold_. So he sat at the mysterious machine and started working.

That was a big mistake. The most he ended up getting out of the stupid spinning wheel were dozens of splinters and more hay than hair on his head. Irritated, Allen blinked back his frustrated tears—he'd gotten a little more in tune with his feminine side after all these stupid fairy tales—and kicked the spinning wheel as hard as he could.

"Looks like you could use some help."

Allen spun around and found none other than Road standing before him, grinning smugly. "Oh God, what do you want?"

Road snickered and skipped over to Allen. She managed to avoid any and all straw that was in her way. "How'd you- Nevermind. I’m done asking questions about this screwed up place. They expect me to spin this stuff into gold. Sure, I have some kick ass powers, but honestly, what the hell?" Allen complained while pulling the strands of horse food out of his hair.

"Now, Road, how would I be able to do this? I take it that you are either here to help or to watch me get raped." Allen's eyed shifted around the room. "I don't think it's the rape part. Thank God."

"Of course I'm not here for that, silly!" Road said cheerfully in her falsetto voice. "I'm here to offer assistance."

"Really? You can help me?"

"For a price," Road said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Now, what can you give me?"

Allen blinked. He had to pay _Road_ to help him? Seriously? He dug in his pockets, looking for something that could possibly be used as payment.

Allen sighed, seeing that he had nothing to give to the lolita girl. "Uh, I don't really have anything on me right now. I was forced here in my nightgown." Allen dropped his head low.

Road snickered and skipped around the room. "I know what you can give me, or rather, what you can show me." Her eyes shifted towards the door where Tyki stood. "Fair enough trade, little Allen?"

Allen trembled at the sight of Tyki. The last time he’d seen the man was in Wonderland, and let’s just say that it wasn't a great encounter. Allen stood only feet away from the door at which Tyki was standing. "I-I..." The words wouldn't even come out of his mouth, he was so terrified.

"You want to get out of this place don't you? The King wants all of this straw spun into gold. What's a little sex to you? I am sure you’ve done it countless times with your red-haired friend. I see the way you guys look at each other."

"W-what?! I-I have no clue what you are talking about!" Allen blushed furiously.

"Oh, don't deny it." Road laughed. She ambled over to Allen in a very childish manner. "Now go on, Allen. Tyki _will_ bite."

Allen would have gagged if he hadn't had all the air pushed out of him when Road shoved him, unsuspectingly, over to Tyki. "Wah!" Tyki caught Allen and pulled him close.

"Don't fight. It'll only hurt worse if you struggle." Tyki turned Allen around, making the exorcist cry out.

"No! Please don't!" Tears streamed down Allen's face. "I never agreed to this! I don't care if Cross keeps me locked up in here! He's done worse! I never agreed to you helping me in exchange for this!" He kicked his legs back, trying to hit Tyki. "God damn it, STOP!"

Tyki smirked mischievously. "Either way, you _are_ going to be mine. I would hate to see Road disappointed."

"Go Tyki!" Road cheered out as she intently watched the two males in front of her. Allen cried, coughing as he hyperventilated. "Lavi! Please!" Tyki flipped up Allen's nightgown. The sound of his zipper sliding down made Allen tremble and whimper.

* * *

Lavi stood crossing his arms over his chest in the main hall. "Damn it, Cross! Where’s Allen?" He was fuming. Lavi had seen Kanda ride in on the horse with Allen in his clutches. "For the last time, _where is he_?!"

"I don't know who you are talking about, my idiotic son." Cross took a swig from his flask that was hidden within his jacket pocket. "I know nothing of this ordeal."

"That's a load of bull! I saw the whole thing! Which room did you put him in?" Lavi growled; he was just getting to like Allen more, and then he was separated from him. "Well, Cross?"

"Don't raise your voice to me boy." It was hopeless. Cross wasn't budging one bit. "If you wish to find whoever you’re talking about, then why don't you just go and look instead of arguing with me?"

Lavi huffed. "Fine." He stomped off in a fit of rage, clouds of dirt forming behind him. "Damn Cross. That guy- Argh!" The halls that Lavi stampeded down were tall and echoed every word he cursed. "Allen! Where are you?!" he called.

"Please, stop! P-Please..." Lavi heard the cry from down the hall. He recognized the panicked voice. _Allen?!_

Lavi followed the sound of Allen's voice down one hall and up another to a wooden door that seemed really out of place in the extravagant castle. He was about to kick down the door but thought better of it. Before he burst in, he should know exactly what he was getting himself into. So he pressed his ear against the rough wood and listened.

"Get away from me!"

_SMACK_

"Feisty, aren't we?"

Lavi's eyes widened. That was Tyki's voice. What on Earth was he doing here?

_CRASH_

"Get away from me, you bastard!"

"It'll all be over soon if you stop struggling, though it makes it so much more fun when you do."

"LAVI!!!!!!!!"

That was it. Lavi kicked down the door. "Unhand him!" he shouted, but when he saw the scene in front of him, he seriously had to wonder what the hell was going on.

Tyki had Allen down on the ground. Straw was floating everywhere in the air around them. Allen was kicking his legs up into Tyki's abdomen. "I said _get the hell away from me_!" Allen kicked hard, but Tyki pushed him down to the ground more roughly. Lavi witnessed as Allen smacked his head to the hard floor and cease to struggle.

"Allen!" Lavi charged towards Tyki. He was furious. Allen was hurt, crying, and now bleeding. On his rampage towards Tyki, a small lolita girl hopped in front of him.

"I don't think so, Mr. Eyepatch. Allen is now my toy, and I’m enjoying this," she sneered at Lavi, pointing her pumpkin-tipped umbrella at his chest. "Please stay back."

Lavi racked his brain for what could possibly get Road to stop this. This was a fairy tale, right? No matter how screwed up it was, good always pounded evil, right? Well, that was the case in the more recent "kid-friendly" versions. Lavi could only hope that this was one of those.

_So what fairy tale is this?_ he thought, scanning the room. His only clues were the spinning wheel and the straw. What fairy tales included those two factors? _We already did Sleeping Beauty... Ugh, the spinning wheel doesn't help. The straw's the only factor that's not in every story known to man._ Then it hit him. Allen was the miller's daughter who "could spin straw into gold." Thus the straw and the spinning wheel. That meant Road was Rumpelstilzkin.

"I'll trade you something," Lavi said quickly. "In exchange for spinning all this straw into gold and getting Tyki off Allen, I'll give you something wonderful." _Now to figure out what that "wonderful something" is..._

Lavi searched his pockets, desperate to find something to give Road. "Ah-ha!" He whipped out a small picture from his coat pocket. He examined it carefully and his eye widened. "Will this work?" he asked. _I guess things like these come in handy when the time is right._ The picture was of Kanda curled up in a ball on his bed. He was cuddling with a teddy bear.

"I thought I lost this photo! It was a hard picture to get when Kanda sees everything." Road snatched the photo and squealed. "This works! Tyki-pon, look!"

Tyki looked up from the half-conscious Allen and frowned. "I'm busy."

But Road wouldn’t take no for an answer. She dragged the elder Noah away from the small exorcist and pointed at the picture in her hand. "This is even _better_ than Allen rapage!" She then turned back to Lavi. "I'll gladly spin all of this into gold for you." A quick curtsy, and then she set to work.

* * *

The next morning, Allen woke up in a large bed. He was hot all over yet freezing at the same time.

"Hey, you awake there, buddy?" Lavi was sitting on the bed with Allen. He set a cool rag on Allen's forehead. "I'm sorry I didn't come earlier. I would have stopped him. I would have-" Allen's eyes were blank.

Lavi moved to brush away a stay hair from Allen's eyes, but the younger retaliated by smacking away his hand. "Don't touch me! Please, just go away." Allen had tears streaming down his cheeks. "I called for you. You- You-"

"I came as soon as I could," Lavi replied, his voice even and soothing. "I got Road to spin all that straw into gold and to stop Tyki before he did any real damage." He tried to smile but failed.

Allen closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt weak and dizzy and was thankful that he was in such a comfy bed so he wouldn't collapse. "So you did come. It wasn't a dream."

"Of course I came." Lavi's crooked grin lit up the room, making Allen feel hundreds—no—thousands of times better. He gently tucked Allen in. "Get some more sleep. You look like crap."

"He's not sleeping."

Allen's eyes shot open, and Lavi spun around. Cross was standing in the doorway, smirking. "You're going to spin more gold, girl."

Allen shot up from the bed and yelled at the top of his lungs. "First, I am _not_ a girl. Why don't you people understand that!? I have the same male appendage as any other guy." Allen did not think of the consequences that he would have to deal with when getting up from the bed.

"Hey Allen, lay down. You're not well." Lavi tried pushing him down, but Allen protested.

"I am not a girl, and I don't know how to spin straw into gold! It's impossible!" Allen ripped the covers away from him and tried to get out of the bed to show Cross a piece of his mind.

"Allen! Stay in bed! Please! Cross will-" It was too late. Cross was already up by Allen and pushing him down to the bed with force.

"You listen to me, _girl_, and you listen good. You are damn well lucky to just be spinning straw into gold. You could have been my whore for the time being." Cross breathed on Allen.

The young exorcist smelled the alcohol on his breath. "Damn you, Cross."

Cross smirked. "Everyone seems to tell me that." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a cigarette. "Tonight, you will spin more straw into gold. This time, you'll get a special reward. As my son seems rather attached to you, you will get the honor of his hand in marriage. Does that sound like a fair deal?"

"W-what!?" Allen's face turned a shade of red, and it wasn't because of his fever. "I can't- I mean Lavi and I can't- We already-" Allen was, of course, referring to the last story, where they married each other in the end.

"Nonsense, you will spin the straw into gold and then marry my son." Cross smirked. He exited the room swaying.

"Lavi! What are we going to do!?" Allen freaked. "I can't spin straw into gold! Road helped last time, and that was only in exchange for- for- GAH!!! Don't let it happen again!"

Lavi held Allen close. "Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you. In the end, we'll just get married again, and it will be all right."

Allen nodded stiffly. "Y-yeah, you're right. All we have to do is give something to Road again, and then she'll do it. Won't she?"

"Er... It might be a bad time to say it, but that's the only blackmail picture I've got of Yuu-chan."

Allen stiffened. "_What_?" Allen started hyperventilating. "What happens now, then!? If you don't have another one, then what's going to happen?!"

Lavi had to push Allen back down to the bed. "Calm down! I’ll think of something." Lavi wanted to smack some damn sense into the boy, but he feared that doing so would hurt Allen.

Allen quieted. His back was against the soft cushioning of the bed. "O-Okay..." He blushed while looking up at Lavi.

Lavi thought for a moment about what they could possibly trade. "We could always offer her jewelry. Girls love that kind of thing. Or maybe we could give her some toys. I _know_ she likes those."

"Oh, Road definitely likes toys, but I don't think we could find any around here." Allen laughed. "Other than sex toys, I bet. You know Cross. He's a weird man."

Lavi shuddered. "Ew."

"But I thought you liked that kind of thing," Allen teased.

Lavi gave Allen a funny look. "Says the guy wearing a dress."

"Shut it."

"Make me."

Allen took the response as an invitation. He pounced at Lavi and tackled the other exorcist to the ground. "Take it back, Lavi," he teased.

"I said... _make me..._" Lavi smiled sexily. "Just pouncing on me won't stop me from making fun of your dress." Lavi looked Allen up and down. "I must say that the blue one back in Wonderland was much more fitting."

That was the wrong thing to say. Allen's eyes narrowed, and he slapped Lavi. "Bastard," he growled. He was mad enough to make what Komui did to those hitting on Lenalee seem like child's play.

"Oh shit," Lavi muttered as Allen fumed. "I was joking. _Joking_. Can't you take a joke?"

"You know I hate these damn dresses! They're just easy access for Tyki. Why would you joke about that?" Allen curled his knees to his chest and glared at Lavi.

"Sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I can ask Cross to get you some normal clothes. I don't know if he'll agree or not, but I can try." Lavi sighed. he was trying to cheer Allen up. It just wasn't working so well.

"Somehow, I get the feeling it'll end up just like Wonderland." Allen sighed. "It doesn't matter. We're running out of fairy tales to go through, anyway. We'll probably get out of here soon."

"Wouldn't get your hopes up, Allen." Lavi made a face. He knew dozens more fairy tales in multiple language. They had only just begun the fairy tale track, and even then, the book seemed to take any story it could, as Alice in Wonderland wasn't a fairy tale like the others.

Allen groaned. "There are more I don't know about, aren't there."

"Hundreds more."

"Have I mentioned how much I hate life?" Allen groaned and dug his head into the soft pillows that were on the bed. "This is wearing me out, Lavi. I don't think I can take much more of this."

Lavi sighed. He tried to soothe Allen by patting him on the back. "There, there." Both of them were worn out. Lavi plopped back down on the bed next to Allen and yawned. "You're not the only one, buddy."

Allen scrunched himself up and curled up next to Lavi. The two lay on the bed silently, and Lavi stroked Allen's soft hair. "Everything will go back to normal once we get out of here, won't it?" Allen's voice sounded muffled with his face in the pillows.

Lavi sighed once more. "I think so, but I don't want things to change too much." Allen stared up at him with a questioning look. Lavi stiffened. "Eh- Sorry, never mind." The redhead couldn't take it anymore. Allen looked adorable lying next to him. "Just try to get some rest, Moyashi."

"I'm not small! I'm just vertically challenged!" the younger huffed.

"Right, right," Lavi said, smirking.

"I'm not!"

Lavi laughed. "I know you’re not. Not everyone can be a giant like me or Komui," he teased.

Allen gave Lavi a dark look and then pulled a pillow over his head. "Good night, Lavi," he said, his voice muffled.

"It's the middle of the day."

"Shut it."

* * *

Lavi laid in the bed while Allen slept; he only got up to eat and use the bathroom. No way in hell was he going to leave Allen all by himself. The kid had almost been raped (again) earlier that day and was scared out of his mind.

During Allen's slumber, Lavi could hear the younger mumble, "Lavi..."

Lavi smiled and tapped the small exorcists back. "Hey, time to wake up, Allen." Outside the sun was about to set. Allen had been sleeping all day.

"Five more minutes, Mana." Allen waved his hand effortlessly in the air. "Just five more..." He was instantly back asleep.

"No, Allen. We have to go find something else to give Road so that she will spin the straw into gold and so she won't sick Tyki on you."

Allen shot up in bed. It seemed "Tyki" and "Road" were the magic words at the moment. "Why didn't you say that before?!" he cried, jumping out of bed. His foot, however, got caught in the covers and he managed to fall face-first into the floor.

"You know, for a former street performer, you aren't very graceful."

Allen gave Lavi a dirty look and brushed himself off. "So where do we start looking?" he asked.

"Well I guess we could..." Lavi pondered for a moment. "We could always start from the front of the castle to the back?"

The younger sat on the ground and crossed his legs Indian-style. "Whatever you want to do. You're the Bookman here. I bet you can find just about anything." Allen grinned widely, closing his eyes doing so.

_Yeah, I can find anything but Love._ Lavi frowned. Allen was so close to him, and yet far away at the same time

"Something wrong?"

Allen's question roused Lavi from his thoughts. He'd been standing there thinking for a good minute without saying anything.

"Ah, sorry. I was thinking of what a sadistic little girl could possibly want. Maybe candles and matches to burn people with?"

"That sounds about right. "Allen shuddered. The girl seemed so nice on the outside, but she was pure evil on the inside. "I'm sure we can find tons of candle around this place, but I think a toy would be a better choice."

Lavi stroked his chin. "Yes, a toy would keep her from commanding Tyki to get you. But what kind of toy?"

Allen made a face. "Not a sex toy, that's for sure. It'll only give her ideas."

"Then what should we give her?"

"A voodoo doll. Preferably one of Kanda or Cross."

"Oh, but that would be mean to give her one of Yuu-chan! Okay, let’s do it." Lavi grinned mischievously.

Allen laughed so hard that tears formed in his eyes. "Yuu-chan would get what has been coming to him for as long as I have been at the Order!" Allen rolled to his side with laughter. He only stopped when he heard footsteps form outside of the door.

The door burst in and Cross stood there, swaying and an alcoholic beverage in his hand. "You, young girl, are going to spin me more gold!" He was as greedy as ever.

Both exorcists looked at each other. Too late for their plan, so Lavi would just have to protect Allen himself. "Hey, can I watch him—I mean—her work?" he asked. "Don't want my... future wife passing out from overwork, right?" He grinned, hoping Cross would take it as an innocent request and grant it.

Cross snorted. "Do as you please. As long as I get my gold, I’m fine with whatever you do."

Allen let out an exaggerated sigh. "Thank God. Now I don't have to be all alone with that sick and twisted little girl." Lavi also sighed. He could hold off Road and Tyki until he found the perfect toy to give to the lolita child.

They were both led down to the dungeons, where an even larger room of straw awaited poor little Allen. Worse, the room was cramped with the amount of straw packed in. There was barely enough room to even move.

Allen sat at the spinning wheel for show to make the guards leave, and as soon as they did, Road ambled out from behind a straw pile, completely straw-free. She smiled at Allen, who was still in his nightgown, and turned to Lavi, the one who'd obviously be paying for her services.

"I haven't called Tyki because you'll probably give me something special," she said, her voice light and happy, as if they were talking about the weather. "Just be warned: if I'm not happy with it, that cute little uke over there," she gestured at Allen, "is all Tyki's. And if he's in the mood, he might just share with you, if you’re lucky. So," her tone became business-like, "what are you offering?"

Lavi gulped loudly, and Allen shook nervously in his chair. "Uh- I-" Lavi checked his pockets. "I have to find something that you would enjoy. I don't have it yet."

Road showed no hesitation. "Tyki!"

Allen sat straight up and gave Lavi a pleading look.

"Hey! I didn't say I wouldn't have it soon, Road!" Lavi screamed, fearing for his friend. "I will have it. I just have to find whatever you would like."

Road frowned. "Hmph. So what are you promising me?"

"Uh... A doll?"

"Wrong choice."

Lavi gulped. This was looking bad. "Candles?"

The girl pulled a couple candles from seemingly nowhere. "Got plenty."

"Uh-Uh... Kanda?" Lavi was at a last resort. "If I can get him for you, would you consider letting Allen off the hook and making some gold?"

Road gave Lavi an excited look. "Do I get to give him to Tyki?" she asked with a childlike innocence.

"Do whatever you like with Yuu-chan."

Road's smile grew, but then dissipated. "But he probably wouldn't be uke..." she muttered to herself. "The fight beforehand would probably last longer than the sex..." She looked back at Allen, considering for a moment, then turned back to Lavi. "If the straw is spun into gold, you two will get married, right?"

"Yes," Lavi said uncertainly.

"Then I want your first child."

Allen stared at her like she was nuts. "But we're both guys. That—"

"Okay," Lavi said, interrupting Allen.

"What-? Lavi!" Allen snapped.

"Allen, all she wants is a kid that will never happen between you and me. Think about it: she’ll spin this straw into gold, and then we are out of this thing scott free!" Lavi tried to keep a light whisper, but his excitement was too much.

Road grinned darkly. "Oh! The baby will happen. Little Allen is a girl."

"Am not!"

"Allen!" Lavi gave his friend a harsh glare. "Just go with it."

Allen shut his mouth and let Lavi do the talking. As his friend and Road bargained, Allen glanced nervously around the room, just waiting for Tyki to sneak up on them and attack them both.

"Then it's a deal." Road clapped her hands together excitedly. She stepped forward and poked Allen in the stomach. "I can't wait to see what you give me, cutie."

Allen's hand flew to where she poked him, and he swallowed hard. How could she not realize he was a _guy_? Seriously, Road wasn't stupid, and it didn't take a genius to figure out a person’s gender.

Lavi smiled and rushed Allen out of the room. "We'll be back later tonight so that you have time to finish with the gold making." Allen was dragged out of the room by his red-haired friend. "Woot!" cheered Lavi.

"I don't know what you're so happy about," Allen grumbled, a little moodily. He hadn't had a proper night's rest for what felt like days and it was really starting to get to him. "Once she figures out she's wrong, she'll—"

"She can't do anything," Lavi replied, grinning up a storm. "It's a deal. Our first child. Not that we'll actually have one." He laughed. "Take that, fairy tale!" he said to no one in particular.

"But I think she did something to me," Allen muttered.

Lavi rolled his eyes and put his hands firmly on both of Allen's shoulders. "First of all, guys don't have the parts to have babies. Second, reproduction requires sex, which you won't be having—or at least not with me, meaning her deal would be null and void anyway. Third, I don't remember Rumpelstilzkin every having the power to impregnate by poking."

Allen gulped. "I-if you’re sure..."

"Besides, I don't think the book'll make us be stuck here for nine months anyway. Everything happens quick in fairy tales, so if you are pregnant, tomorrow you won't be." Lavi grinned.

That made Allen feel sick to his stomach. "Thanks a lot, Lavi."

The door slammed open. "I've finished!" Road said proudly. "Care to take a look?"

Lavi shook his head. "I trust your work," he said before nodding to Allen. "I think this kid needs some sleep."

Road smirked. "Yes, he does look terrible." She twirled lightly and skipped back into the room filled with gold. "You should sleep with him, just to make sure I don't change my mind and send Tyki after him."

She was teasing. Allen could tell she was teasing, but he couldn't help but pale at the thought of Tyki coming into his room in the middle of the night and doing unmentionable things to him.

"Yeah, yeah," Lavi said, waving Road's threat away. He led Allen down the hall and whispered, "She's not serious."

Allen nodded shakily. "Um... could you stay? Just in case, I mean."

That made Lavi smile. "Of course."

They had fallen asleep almost instantly when their heads hit the pillows. Their eyes closed, and a bright light lit up the room but did not wake them or make Lavi stir. Allen on the other hand clutched his abdomen and stirred. He was still asleep, but something was going on.

The room lit up with light from outside of the window. Allen was first to open his eyes. He sat straight up and rubbed his eyes. The room looked different. The bed sheets had changed color and the walls had, too.

"Ne?" Allen looked over at Lavi, who was sleeping soundly at his side. "Thank God!" he yelled. "Nothing happened!" But then he remembered the pain in his abdomen when he was sleeping. Allen, making sure that Lavi wasn't looking, lifted up his skirt of his dress and stared at his stomach. Nothing seemed wrong with it. It just felt weird.

Lavi moved to his side and opened his eye. "Allen? What are you doing?" He stared at the boy who was staring at himself.

Allen's eyes widened and he pulled his skirt back down. " N-nothing!" He blushed.

"Still worried about Road poking you?" Lavi asked, sitting up.

"Er..." Allen blushed. "My stomach just hurt a little bit last night. Maybe I'm just hungry." He laughed nervously. "A-anyway, when do you think the wedding will..." He trailed off because of a knock at the door.

"Are you awake?" The voice was Lenalee's.

They looked at each other. "Yeah?" Lavi called back questioningly.

The door opened, and Lenalee stepped inside clad as a maid and carrying a little baby in her arms. "I thought you might like to see your son this morning."

Allen paled as she set the baby gently into his arms. "S-son?"

The child in his arms was asleep and sucking on its thumb. "What the-?" Lavi leaned over Allen's shoulder and stared at the blond-haired child in his arms. "Well, shit."

Allen was speechless. He couldn't quite take in what was going on. A baby was cradled in his arms, and Lenalee had just said it was theirs. _It can't be!_ Allen fretted._ Lavi and I never had sex! Not that I don't want to... but still! And Lavi said that this couldn't happen!_

Lavi saw that Allen was hyperventilating and took the kid off of his hands. "Awe! he's so cute!"

"Yes, your son Timcanpy is very cute indeed." She smiled and Allen paled.

"Tim?" He swayed.

Lavi, meanwhile, smiled in amusement. "Aw, he looks so adorably, doesn't he?" he teased. He kissed Allen's cheek just for show, since Lenalee was standing in the room, and whispered, "If you'd really given birth to him, I don't think you would've named him Timcanpy."

Allen nodded weakly. He suddenly felt very sick, and that didn't escape Lenalee's notice.

"Are you feeling all right, my queen?"

"Queen?" Allen held his head. "What’s going on?"

"Yes, Queen. You do know that you are queen right? Have you hit your head or something?" Lenalee looked worried. She took a step towards Allen.

"Yes, yes. I’m fine. Don't worry about me." Allen gulped and laid down on the bed. "Lavi... I think were married."

"Why yes, you two are. It would be immoral to have a child without marriage." Lenalee took the bright blond-haired boy from Lavi's arms. The redhead couldn't stop smiling.

Lavi snorted. "People do it all the time."

Lenalee's eyes widened in horror. Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. "How can you say such a thing?"

"Just kidding," Lavi replied.

"Well, it's time for breakfast, so..." Her smile reflected how worried she felt about them as she left the room with Timcanpy.

"See you there, then," Lavi replied before turning to Allen. The poor kid looked too pale. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I lost my virginity and don't even remember it," Allen moaned.

Lavi raised an eyebrow, then shook his head. Some things were better left unparsed. "Come on, let's get you some breakfast. You'll feel a million times better with food in your stomach."

Allen sighed. "I guess you've got a point." He climbed out of bed, but no sooner had his foot touched the cold floor was there a loud popping sound.

"Morning, cutie!" Road tackled Allen back down to the mattress. "Miss me?"

"Gah!" Allen screeched. "What the hell, Road?" He struggled under her grasp, but in the end, he was unsuccessful at getting free. Lavi had to pull the small girl off of his friend.

"Road, what are you doing here?" Allen sat up and glared at Road. "Well?"

She grinned cheerfully and took a seat next to Allen on the bed. He stared nervously at the girl and then gave Lavi a distressed look. "I'm here to take the kid off of your hands! You promised!" Road chimed, but Lavi was the one to butt into the conversation.

"You're not taking him anywhere. He's ours." Even though Lavi had only seen the baby once, he knew it was his. It came from him and Allen, and he wasn't about to give it up.

Road smirked. "It seems you've become connected with that child despite your creed, Bookman Jr." It was the first mention of anything outside the book's tales they'd heard since entering. "Very well. If you can guess my name, you win. I'll give you a hint, though. It's not really Road."

Lavi stared at the girl. How'd she know about the whole Bookman thing? Allen didn't even know about it, and everything in the world seemed connected to what Allen knew!

"I'll give you three guesses," Road continued, pretending not to notice Lavi's surprise. "If you can't get it by the third guess, then—"

"Rumpelstilzkin," Lavi stated more than asked.

Road gaped at him. "You cheated!"

Allen sat straight up. "How'd you do that so fast, Lavi?"

"Yeah, HOW!?" Road snapped. She glared daggers at the Bookman's apprentice who was sitting on the bed.

He had a glare of his own on his face to match Road’s. "I’m a Bookman. I read a lot. Why else would I know that this stupid fairy tale is Rumpelstilzkin?" Lavi crossed his arms and then turned to Allen. "Let's get this over with." Lavi was truly pissed off by this story.

"It's not fair I tell you! Not fair!" Road stomped her feet in front of the two, but when she saw Lavi pull Allen into a big sloppy kiss, she said, "Okay, it's fair," and smiled like the little yaoi fangirl she was.

The room lit up around the two who were in the midst of formally ending the fairy tale. Lavi pulled away, leaving Allen wanting more. Lavi wasn't as overwhelmed by this kiss he had shared with Allen as the last.

This one was more of a 'get-it-over-and-done-with-so-we-can-get-back-home-kiss.' No hint of passion in it whatsoever, but it still left Allen in a dreamy haze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru- Damn Lavi...
> 
> Sailor- ...
> 
> Lavi- Hmph, I am starting to hate fairy tales. T.T
> 
> Allen- Really, I'm starting to really like them. ^.^


	7. Role Reversal

When the light faded at last, Lavi couldn't help but feel that something was off. _Way_ off. Even more off than all the other fairy tales they'd been in combined. He looked around the room—a very plain room for a fairy tale prince—but knew that that wasn't the "off" thing. Then he looked at himself and discovered the oddity.

"Oh God, why am _I_ in the dress?" He stood in stunned silence for a few seconds, then started freaking out. "What the hell?!" Lavi wailed. "Allen is always the one in the dress! Why am I in one now?!" He got up from the bed and felt a draft. "Gah! This is not cool! I don't like having a draft there-oh, this is actually kind of nice."

Lavi twirled his dress and then realized what he was doing. "I can't say big-breasted women to this one! It doesn't make sense!"

The door opened and revealed Miranda the maid. "Um... My Lady, the Queen, wishes to see you," she muttered.

"Miranda!" Lavi brightened instantly. "Boy, am I glad to see you. Have you seen Allen?"

"Allen?" Miranda repeated. "Who's that?"

Lavi blinked. "Oh. Nevermind." Obviously, Allen was the prince somewhere, and judging by Miranda's reaction, no one had met him here. So, he decided to change the subject. "What does the queen wish to see me about?"

Miranda's hands shook. "She had asked her mirror today," she said.

Lavi knew he was supposed to know what that meant, but at the moment, he was dumbfounded. "So she wants to see me?"

"Yes." She nodded. "Please follow me."

As they walked, Lavi racked his brain for any story dealing with mirrors. Nothing came to him right away. _Well, maybe seeing the queen'll clear this up,_ he thought as they reached the door.

"Your Majesty, your stepdaughter’s here," Miranda squeaked.

"Let her in."

Lavi took a step into the room. He couldn't help but laugh when he saw Komui standing in front of a large mirror. He was saying over and over “Who the fairest of them all?” to the mirror. The mirror replied back with a picture of Lenalee. Komui smiled.

"So... What is it you wanted?"

Komui turned around. "Oh good, you’re here. I have a request."

Right. A request. Those _never_ turned out badly in fairy tales. "What is it?"

"Lenalee said she wanted to go pick wildflowers in the forest," Komui replied in his normal mission-type voice with a typical goofy smile. "You're going to take her to the field in the middle. Understand?"

Lavi rolled his eyes. "Sure. Whatever." Great. Not only was he stuck in a dress, but now he was stuck taking Lenalee somewhere. Just what he wanted to do when he should've been searching for Allen, but Komui's word was law in this place, and within minutes, Lavi was on his way with Lenalee by his side.

They walked out of the castle through the large iron-gated doors. Lenalee latched her arm around Lavi's. She had a skip in her step.

"Which meadow do you want to go to?" Lavi asked, even though he really didn't want to pick some dumb flowers with Lenalee.

Lenalee shrugged. "It doesn't really matter to me. I just wanted to get away from Brother for a bit," she admitted. "Him and that crazy mirror of his."

"Oh." That made complete sense to Lavi. Komui got on his nerves in just small doses. He could only imagine what it was like for Lenalee, who had to deal with him on a regular basis. "Where's the farthest one from the castle?"

The Chinese girl grinned and led Lavi toward the forest.

They were about halfway to the meadow when Lavi heard a rustling in the bushes next to them. Lenalee stepped closer to him and held onto his arm tighter. "Lavi, these woods aren't safe, you know." She shivered.

"Really? Why?"

"There are supposedly wolves and bandits."

"What, like Robin Hood?"

Lenalee nodded. "And mad woodsmen."

"Fun."

The bushes rustled more and Lavi pulled Lenalee to the side just in time. A large man with dark skin came hurdling out of the bushes. He was big, and his hair slicked back in black spikes.

_Skin?_ Lavi reached down to his thigh, an immediate reaction to seeing a Noah. Too bad his hammer wasn't there. Skin was holding an ax. Lenalee screamed and the two ran off. Skin was chasing them with the intent to kill.

The two reached a bend in the road. "I've got an idea!" Lavi grabbed Lenalee and they jumped into the bushes right off the path. Thankfully, what Kanda had said about this Noah being a complete moron was true. Skin stared blankly around the path and then moved on.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," Lavi commented to Lenalee when the ape of a man was out of hearing. "You okay?"

Lenalee was holding her nose. "I think I bumped my nose on a branch when we jumped in here," she said, her voice muffled slightly by her hand.

"Uh-oh," Lavi whispered to himself. Lenalee pulled her hand away and showed a big scratch on the tip of her nose. _Komui is going to kill me. _And that was exactly what was going to happen.

They decided to go back to the castle without picking any flowers. Lenalee was still holding her nose when they entered the grand room where Komui still stood in front of the mirror.

"Lavi..." he growled.

"Uh... Hi," Lavi said, sorting through what he'd planned to tell Komui the whole walk back. "See, a funny thing happened in the forest. We were walking, and then this crazy guy with an ax chased us, but we got away. Then a branch smacked Lenalee in the face, which is why—"

"No excuses!" Komui shouted. "Guards! Arrest him for defiling my dear sister's face!"

"Oh boy..." Lavi took a few steps back. He knew he had to make a hasty retreat, but by his calculations, by the time he reached the door and opened it, the guards approaching him with spears raised would either skewer him or catch him, depending on how merciful Komui felt.

Lenalee, however, was one step ahead of the redhead. She'd suspected from Komui's very first angry word that things would get violent. She'd inched back to the door unnoticed while Lavi had explained what had happened. Now, she flung open the door and shouted for Lavi to run. He didn't have to be told twice.

No one had expected Lenalee to help, and so no guards were waiting outside the door to stop Lavi, nor were the guards outside the castle told about Lavi's "crime." That made it an easy escape for Lavi, and the future Bookman was across the drawbridge before the guards were even outside the castle's main door, and by the time they reached the drawbridge, he was in the forest.

Lavi found it hard to believe that Allen had made it through all of the fairy tales so far in a dress. He was just having a hard time walking in it. Lavi's feet kept stepping on the hem of the skirt, and he fell over multiple times. Near the end of his journey through the woods he had scratches all over him and his dress was torn.

Lavi stopped as his ears tuned into the harmonious singing of the birds. "Why are they so perfectly in tune?" He continued walking, just to make sure that Komui's men weren't following him.

After another cursed hour of walking, the tired, battered, and somewhat hungry Lavi stumbled upon a cottage in the middle of the forest. Under normal circumstances, Lavi would have just left the house alone and gone to find some berries in the woods and not deal with the dangers meeting random hermits might cause. This was a fairy tale, however, and Lavi knew from fairy tale experience that to continue on, he'd have to seek help from the locals who would love him and his dress too much.

So he knocked on the door. It opened almost instantly, revealing a midget version of Johnny, the swirly-glasses geek in the Science Department.

"Um... Hi," Lavi said. "I'm kinda lost. Mind if I come in?"

Johnny nodded and let Lavi pass. The cottage was warm and cozy on the inside. There were simple pieces of furniture placed in ordinary places, nothing seemed out of place. Nothing except the seven small people who inhabited the cottage, that is.

Kanda was there, only smaller. Lavi laughed and continued down the line of dwarves. Reever, Tap, even Bak was there. There were others, but Lavi didn't remember their names, despite his amazing memory. His mind just didn't feel like working for him at the moment.

One person in particular caught his eye. In the other room at a table fit for a four-year-old's giant tea party, sat Allen in full prince charming gear. He was gorging himself on tea cakes, as was to be expected of Allen, and hadn't looked up at the latest guest. _Probably thinks I'm another dwarf,_ Lavi thought, _since he doesn't seem to know beans about many fairy tales._

"Hey, Allen, what're _you_ doing here?" Lavi asked a little sourly.

Allen dropped the little sweet cake he'd been just about to stuff into his face and turned. His cheeks were puffed out like a squirrel’s, but he swallowed. "Lavi? What are you doing here? And in a dress?"

Lavi knew that second comment was an afterthought, but it still ticked him off. "What am _I_ doing here? You're freaking prince charming! You're not supposed to show up until I'm supposedly killed by a poisoned apple or something!"

The white-haired exorcist looked completely lost. "Uh... what?"

"We’re in Snow White, Bean Sprout!" Lavi walked up to Allen and looked down at him.

Allen's cheeks slowly became smaller as he swallowed all of his food. "Oh," he said innocently. Lavi couldn't be mad anymore. Allen was staring up at him with a puppy dog expression. "Sorry, I didn't notice anything that led to Snow White."

"Allen..." The silence in the room made Allen shrink in his seat.

"Damn it.... Dwarves..." Allen really didn't know anything about fairy tales.

Then, as if to completely interrupt the conversation, one of the Science Department members that Lavi couldn't name shoved his princess ass into a seat at the table.

"Dig in!" he said brightly, grinning up a storm. "If you're lost, I'm sure you're hungry."

Lavi just looked at the science department geek with a cocked eyebrow. He had just realized that he hadn't been hungry in any of the fairy tales up until now. "Um... Thanks." Lavi sat down at the miniature table and picked up one of the tea sandwiches.

"So what's the rest of this fairy tale?" Allen asked. "I don't know much about Snow White."

Lavi glanced at the dwarves, who seemed completely unperturbed by the idea that their lives were just a story in a book. He shrugged and started in on the story, giving Allen a short, simplified version for the sake of time. Five minutes later, and the story was done.

It took another couple seconds to sink into Allen's brain. "So the wicked queen—"

"Komui, in this case," Lavi interrupted.

"Right. So Komui's gonna give you a poisoned apple. You're going to die. And my kiss will bring you back to life?"

"That's about the size of it."

Allen glanced around the tiny cottage, as if searching for the right words written on the walls. In the end, he settled for, "Why can't fairy tales make sense?"

Lavi grinned and patted Allen on the shoulder. "It's okay. We'll get out of this book soon enough." Lavi wanted to add that he wouldn't mind if Allen kissed him. They had done it many times before. Lavi had grown to like it.

Allen sat and nommed on his snack the science division dwarves (not Kanda dwarf) had given him. He was happy that he wasn't wearing a dress, but he was a little distraught that Lavi was going to die in this story, even if a simple kiss will bring him back. "So what's the plan?"

"We let the story run its course," Lavi said with a shrug. "Somehow, I doubt kissing you now would get me out of this. After all, the book seems to like picking stories that _end_ with a kiss. Well, a "Happily Ever After" preceded by a kiss, but you get the idea."

"Right." Allen munched a little more, then set down his half-eaten snack. "I suddenly don't feel well."

"What, is the food poisoned?" Lavi asked sarcastically. "I know Yuu-chan—" there was a shout of "DON'T CALL ME YUU-CHAN" from the dwarf—"doesn't like you, but he's not poisoning you."

"That's not it. It's just..." Allen looked down at his plate. "It's just that I'm sick of this stupid story." The truth was, he was getting a strange feeling that the book was trying to get them together. If an Innocence could figure out how he felt about Lavi, then the person himself should figure it out too, right?

"Oh, don't worry about the story, buddy. I’m sure we’ll get out of here soon. I keep telling you that." Lavi swung his arm around Allen's shoulder and smiled.

Allen just grumbled to himself. He wanted to be close with Lavi, but at the same time he didn't want the red head close. He was afraid that his feelings for Lavi would end up pushing him away in the end.

"So anyway," Lavi continued, pretending not to notice Allen's change in mood, "wonder how long until Komui comes to kill—" there was a loud crash outside, "—me." He stood and peeked out the window. "Shit."

Allen jumped up and wished he still had his Innocence. "What? What's out there?"

"Komui." Lavi let the curtain fall. "With a giant robot."

The white-haired exorcist shuddered. "Oh no. Not again." Allen took Lavi by the hand. "Come on. Let’s get out of here."

Lavi obliged, knowing what Komui could do with an oversized robot. He knew that this petite cottage would soon be rubble.

Allen watched as all of the dwarves filed out the back door. It led to the thick forest behind. The two exorcists ran off into the thick brush. Lavi had taken the lead, pulling Allen along. "Come on, Allen! I'm sure Komui isn't far behind.”

Just then the trees behind them cracked and fell down. The dirt was kicked up. "I found you!" he called a shrill voice. Komui glared down at Lavi. "You ruined my sweet Lenalee's face!"

"Not on purpose!" Lavi called back, still running.

The trees in front of them ripped out of the ground, revealing Komui in yet another Komurin. "Prepare to die," he said, grinning evilly.

The cannon fired with a resounding _BANG!_ A huge apple-shaped shell shot from the barrel and flew through the air right at both of them. Seeing this, Lavi did the first thing that came to mind: he shoved Allen out of the way. The projectile hit Lavi full force, slamming him to the ground and exploding into a thick smoky fog.

"Lavi!" Allen shouted, rushing over. He found Lavi in the dissipating fog unmoving. No. It couldn't be. People didn't die in fairy tales. "Lavi!" he shouted again, shaking his friend. "Come on, wake up! Lavi!"

When Lavi didn't make a sound or even speak, the tears in Allen's eyes fell over the edge. "Lavi!" he screeched once more, shaking Lavi one more time. Lavi still didn't move.

The smoke had finally cleared and Komui could see what he had accomplished. "Hah! It worked!" he yelled, pressing buttons on Komurin's control panel. The robot then shot off like a rocket, leaving the two alone.

Allen was down on the ground with Lavi and crying over his friend’s body. "Lavi! You can't leave me now. What if the book makes me go to another story? I'll be all alone!" He bent down and pressed his lips against Lavi’s. _Maybe if we get out of here, he’ll be fine._

He thought he felt Lavi’s breath, but he couldn’t be sure before the light engulfed them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru- Yay! Next story, next story!
> 
> Allen- Wait, is Lavi still alive?
> 
> Lavi- snore
> 
> Allen- Oh my God! He’s making noise!
> 
> Sailor- Allen, this is a fairy tale. The good guys don’t die. Well, except for the Little Mermaid, but—
> 
> Allen- O.O
> 
> Koru and Sailor- Review!


	8. If the Shoe Fits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Not gonna lie, this is probably my favorite chapter of the bunch because I was able to go all out on the Cinderella jokes)

Allen woke up to a sharp, painful tugging at his hair. He swatted the cause away, only to discover that the source was hard and feathery. “Timcanpy!” He sat bolt upright, and there was his little golden golem. Not a baby, but the actual thing. _Maybe we’re finally out!_ he thought excitedly.

Sad to say, that wasn’t the case. A sudden impulse to sing came over him, but he choked it down. _Nope. Still in the book. No way I’d be singing this early._

“Cinderallen!”

There was thumping up the steps.

“Cinderallen!”

Allen recognized the two voices, and one thought went through his mind: _Oh God, I hate my life._

The door banged open, revealing the twins. Both wearing the ugliest Lolita dresses he’d ever seen. Like they raided Road’s closet.

“Cinderallen, where’s my breakfast?”

“Where’s my other sock?”

“Where’s my toothbrush?”

“We don’t have toothbrushes, hee, but where’s my Cocoa Krispies?”

“Where’s Father’s booze?”

“Where’s Father’s prostitute?”

“Where’s—?”

“Where’s—?”

“Where’s—?”

“Where’s—?”

They just kept interrupting each other, so Allen interrupted them by saying, “Where’s Lavi?”

That stopped them both in their tracks. They looked at each other, then at Allen. “Were you dreaming of the prince?” David asked.

“He’s way out of your league, hee.”

“The only thing in your league is the hearth,” David continued, then interrupted himself with, “Where’s breakfast?”

Before they could start on their endless questioning, Allen got up and said, “Make your own breakfast.”

The twins’ eyes widened. They turned and shouted out the door in unison, “Father!”

“Cinderallen’s being rebellious again!” David shouted, and Jasdero added his trademarked “hee” to the end.

“Take care of it yourself! I’m busy!” Cross snapped back from somewhere else in the house.

A slight giggle followed the reprimand. “Oh, stop that, you naughty boy, you!” came Road’s voice.

Allen was too stunned to even speak for a few minutes. “That wasn’t...”

“Seems Father found his prostitute, hee,” Jasdero said. Then his face lit up. He grinned at his twin, who grinned back. “Father said for us to take care of it, hee,” the blond twin said darkly.

The color drained from Allen’s face. This was going to be _way_ worse than when Cross “took care of him” all those years ago. But unlike then, there was nowhere to run.

“You have to scrub all the floors with your toothbrush!” David commanded.

“Since you’re the only one who has one,” Jasdero added with a snicker.

And that’s what Allen did all morning. Besides make food that the twins threw in his face.

At some point, probably around lunch, as the twins were complaining of being hungry again, Cross came down with a disheveled Road glowing next to him. Cross sat down, and Road plopped down in his lap. Allen had to keep from laughing, it looked so ridiculous. He always knew Cross was into younger women, but he never thought he’d go _this_ young.

“Cinderallen, where’s the mail?” he grunted.

“There’s mail in this crazy place?” Allen asked. How could something as mundane as mail be in this hellish book?

“Yes. Now go get it.”

Allen shrugged and went to the door where a large stack of mail already sat waiting. He picked the envelopes up and sifted through them to see what on Earth they could possibly send in a fairy tale. Surprisingly (or maybe unsurprisingly, considering Cross), most of them were bills—which he figured he’d end up paying—but there was one that stood out.

It was pale pink paper, with large curvy writing stating that it was for the women of the house. _What women?_ he wondered, opening the envelope. It smelled like perfume, roses specifically.

“Ooo! What’s this?” David said, plucking the letter from Allen’s hand. Jasdero hovered over his shoulder as he scanned the letter. His face lit up. “Father! There’s going to be a masquerade ball, and Prince Lavi’s gonna pick a bride!”

Cross cocked an eyebrow at them. “When is it?”

“Tomorrow night!”

“Then get your things together. We’re going.” He puffed on his cigarette a moment. “Road too.”

His little whore clapped her hands together excitedly. “Oh! I must get something to wear!”

Allen rolled his eyes. “And what, you’re all just going to leave me here?”

“Yep,” Jasdero said with a snicker.

“Pretty much,” David agreed.

Why did that not surprise him? “Then what am I supposed to do here, all alone?”

“Clean the house,” Cross said. “Get laid. Whatever.” He took another puff of his cigarette. “And until then... Road, come here.”

* * *

The next day couldn’t come fast enough, and when it finally did, they left dressed as a flock of peacocks and Allen with a million and two chores that would take him all night to accomplish. He sighed and sat down in a chair by the glowing coals in the hearth. Again, the urge to sing came to him, this time about corners and chairs and being whatever it was he wanted to be, and as before, he choked back the urge. _Not the time to sing,_ he thought. _Need to come up with plan to get to Lavi._

And simple as that, his wish was granted. A small fairy light appeared before him and grew larger and larger until it lit the whole room with a green tinge. “We can’t be moving on yet!” Allen blurted out before he could stop himself.

It was a false alarm. Instead of a new story, he got Lenalee in a dress made of vines and flowers. “Whatever do you mean, you silly goose?” she asked.

Allen stared at her. Silly Goose? Really? That was just _too_ weird, even for fairy-Lenalee. “Um... So what’re you supposed to be?”

“I’m your fairy godmother!”

Again, Allen stared at her. He’d never look at Lenalee the same way again. “Right. So?”

“I’m going to make it so you can go to the ball.”

“Really?” It came flatter than he meant it to.

Lenalee must’ve took it as disbelief, for she said, “Of course! All we need is a pumpkin and some mice! So,” she looked around the small kitchen, “where are your pumpkins?”

“They all got baked into pie. There’s one cooling on the windowsill over there.” Well, there was. There was now a very self-satisfied Timcanpy laying belly up in the pie dish.

That didn’t deter Lenalee in the least. “We’ll use something else, then. What about the mice?”

“Cross chopped all their tails off this morning. He’s convinced they make good contraception.”

Lenalee twitched. “Do you have _anything_ alive and breathing? Rabbits? Birds?” She searched the room for a suitable substitute.

Her eyes fell on Timcanpy, who was lazily trying to get out of the pie tin and whose gut couldn’t clear the side. She looked at Tim; Tim looked at her. He must have figured out her plot, for his escape from the dish became urgent. He jumped out the window, but she zapped him with her magic wand.

Tim grew larger, his legs longer, and his tail shorter and fuller. Soon, it was no longer Timcanpy who floated there, but instead a golden horse with a horn on its head and huge fluffy wings on his back.

“What is _that_?” Allen demanded. “What did you do to Tim?”

“I turned him into a flying unicorn Pegasus.”

“I can see that, but that’s absurd!”

“Is it really?” Lenalee asked, pointing past Tim. There was a Pegasus flying through the sky and a unicorn nibbling at the grass.

Allen slapped his forehead. “Fine. Whatever. I’ll use Tim to get to the ball.”

“Not in that, you aren’t!”

Allen looked down at his clothes, a simple white shirt and a pair of trousers. He’d been perfectly happy not wearing a dress for such a long length of time, but it seemed that that time was coming to an end. “Then what am I supposed to wear?” he asked, resigned now to his fate.

“This!” Lenalee pulled out a silver floor length dress with a pearl-bead belt and glittering skirt. On the floor was a pair of glass slippers and in her other hand was a masquerade mask decorated with diamonds and swan feathers.

He couldn’t help it. He blushed and muttered, “It’s so pretty...” Then he realized what he’d said and shouted, “I’m not wearing a dress!”

“Well somebody has to in the relationship, and I’m sure he’s not gonna.”

Allen’s face lit up like the Fourth of July. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he squeaked.

Lenalee winked. “Oh, I’m sure you know. Anyway, we’ve got to get you into this!” She paused, as if remembering something, then added, “Oh, a couple rules. One, be back by midnight. My magic wears off by then. Two, don’t tell him you are you.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You can’t say your name.”

“Then what am I supposed to say?”

“Ella.” She looked thoughtful again, and added brightly this time, “Make sure to seduce him, and perhaps get in a good position with him, maybe even get under him, panting and sweating and moaning and—”

“Wait, what?!”

But Lenalee didn’t give him a chance to argue his case. Impatient as she was, she’d already started forcing the dress on him.

* * *

Lavi was disturbed by this who affair. Only minutes before had Jasdero and David walked by in peacock feathers, and Cross had entered with his hand up none other than Road’s feathered skirt. _I think I’m scarred for life._

Currently, he was getting some air by standing at the top of the grand staircase where it wasn’t quite as crowded.

That’s how he saw _her_. She had pale hair swept up in a bun and decorated with diamonds. Her dress was a glittering silver and low cut with the sleeves hanging from her shoulders onto her arms. Her face was hidden by a feathered and jeweled mask. Sure, she was a little flat-chested, but boy, was she _hot_.

At first, she seemed a little lost, like she was scanning the masked faces for someone she knew. She didn’t see him in his hiding place behind a grand pillar. Perfect for Lavi’s best pick up line ever.

He stepped out from behind the pillar and offered her his hand. She seemed a little shocked until he said, cool as can be, “Are you lost? ‘cause heaven’s a long way from here.”

The girl’s pale cheeks brightened. “U-um... Are you Prince Lavi?”

Lavi smiled under his mask and lifted it so she could see. “You know my name. Can I know yours?”

The girl seemed even more flustered. “Um... My name? It’s... Uh... Um... Ella!” she blurted out.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Lavi said, taking her arm.

He led her onto the dance floor, amongst the other partiers. “Care to dance?” he asked, already pulling the girl into a waltz.

The girl was frazzled and made plenty of mistakes, most of which ended with stomping on Lavi’s foot and her apologizing profusely, but Lavi didn’t mind. There was something about her. Something so wonderful, so intoxicating, he couldn’t let her go. Even when one dance ended and another began, he held on to her, much to the other guests’ anger and irritation.

After a couple dances, the girl seemed tired, so he pulled her off to the side and got her some champagne. The girl refused his offer, saying she wasn’t good with alcohol, but he pushed it into her hands. She didn’t drink, and when a waiter came by—Krory—she placed the untouched drink on his empty tray. Lavi, on the other hand, place his empty glass and took the girl’s hand once more.

This time, he led her out onto the balcony. It was a little chilly, so no one else was out there. The girl commented on this as she shivered, taking her hand back to clutch her bare arms.

“I can warm you up,” he said, his voice low and seductive. The girl looked up at him, confused, until he pressed his lips against hers and wrapped his arms around her. Then she melted into him.

It didn’t cross Lavi’s mind that this was too easy, that she was too willing. He just thought that she’d felt the same spark, that she’d felt the same need for him that he’d felt for her. He pressed his lips against hers harder, and she responded by wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him closer. He slid his tongue against her lips, and the girl parted hers just for him. His hand slid lower down her back—he couldn’t help it, he _was_ a guy, after all—until it was just above the girl’s butt. Did he dare? Yes, he did. He slid lower and gave it a squeeze.

The girl let out a small gasp but didn’t complain. Instead, her fingers dug into his neck. Lavi drew her closer with his other hand while the other continued to grope. He wished it could last forever, that their lips wouldn’t have to part, but alas, they needed air.

They broke apart, gasping, panting, staring into each other’s eyes, a thin trail of saliva still connecting their lips. Her face was colored with a pale blush, her long eyelashes partially hiding her silver eyes.

They leaned in to kiss again, and she closed her eyes once more. Lavi wished—no, _needed—_to see her face. He lifted his hand and touched the mask. He had to see who it was that he’d fallen for, who it was that his heart was already aching for. He’d been kissing a guy for what felt like for so long, he couldn’t even remember what a real kiss from a girl _felt_ like.

Little did he know he was dead wrong.

Just as the mask came off, the bell tolled. She pulled back before he could sneak a peek and turned to the clock tower just visible from the town square. She gasped and said, “I have to go.” She lifted her skirt so the hem didn’t drag and ran.

“Hey! Wait!” Lavi cried, chasing after her. “At least tell me where you live! How I can find you?” The girl didn’t hear; she just kept on running.

And lost a glass slipper.

Lavi knelt down and picked up the shoe on the step. It really was glass. He looked up at the retreating figure, almost out of sight. “Shit.”

* * *

Allen, meanwhile, jumped up on Timcanpy’s back just in front of the wings and shouted, “Go, now!” The horse took off with lightning speed. At least Lenalee hadn’t skimped on that when choosing Timcanpy.

But they weren’t to reach home. They’d hardly reached the town square by the end of the twelfth chime. The dress shredded and dissipated into the night, leaving him in his trousers and shirt. Timcanpy, meanwhile, shrunk back to his original size in jerky intervals. When he reached small again, he was squashed under Allen.

“Sorry, Tim,” he said, standing up and picking up the poor golem. “I owe you a pie for this.” He placed the poor golden creature on his shoulder and walked the rest of the way home.

Well, until he had to stop at the crossroads. He’d been thinking about the kiss, or multiple kisses... or whole make out session, but who’s being specific? Allen certainly wasn’t (he was). Had Lavi really meant it? Really, really meant it? Or had he thought Allen some flaky slutty girl to take advantage of? ...He wouldn’t put it past the redhead, especially after that last grope.

Allen’s face turned an even brighter shade of crimson. “Gah! I can’t believe I did that! Now Lavi’ll think I’m easy, if he ever figures out that was me!” he cried, messing up his own hair in frustration.

A drop of water stopped his rant. He looked up at the sky. Another drop hit his face. Then another. And another. Soon it was a downpour, soaking him instantly. Timcanpy was dry, as he’d expertly hidden himself in a dry spot of Allen’s sleeve.

He sighed and trudged the rest of the way home, a sopping mess.

* * *

The next day, Lavi abused his princely powers and sent a proclamation out to all houses in the kingdom. He was going to find the girl of his dreams—which happened to be Allen, and it still made him blush to think of the kiss they shared—even if it took him a million years (which he hoped it wouldn’t). To do this, he, along with his loyal footman Kanda (that still made him laugh), would be going door to door with a slipper. The girl whose foot fit that slipper would be the one he would marry.

Allen, meanwhile, knew nothing of this. After his tromping home through the rain, he went straight to bed, still soaking wet, and had woken up with a high fever and short of breath. He couldn’t even sit up without feeling dizzy, which the twins and Cross were forced to acknowledge. They went out for breakfast, leaving poor, sick Allen to starve to death in his bed because he was too weak to fix his own.

When they returned, they were of course too excited about the proclamation to even think about their sick stepdaughter/sister. They left Allen up in his room, feverish, while they prepared for the prince to stop at their house to test the slipper.

Eventually, the expected knock came at the door. Jasdero, David, and even Cross’s little whore fought to get to the door, and Road was the one who ultimately succeeded in reaching it first. She answered it and smiled her cutest smile at Lavi and his footman.

“Good morning, Prince,” she said, curtsying. “May I ask why you’ve come to our humble abode?”

“Yeah, I’m looking for Al—I mean, my dream girl from last night.” His impatience had almost gotten the better of him. If this was the story he suspected, and judging by the slipper, it was, then saying Allen’s name would get him in deep trouble with his step “sisters” (if that’s what they were) and "mother." “This shoe will fit only my dream girl, and that’s the girl I’m going to marry.”

Road eagerly popped her own shoe off and offered it to his footman. Kanda raised an eyebrow at Lavi, who rolled his eye. “Road, you’re too short. Your feet are too small. It won’t fit.”

“But it always fits,” Cross mumbled from the corner. He was already drunk, and it wasn’t even noon yet.

“I don’t want to know what that’s about,” Lavi muttered as Jasdero and David took their own turns with the shoe. Both had ridiculously huge feet, so neither could fit. He sighed. “Are there any other girls in this house?”

“Nope,” all three—not Cross—said quickly. “No one else here was at the ball.”

Lavi frowned. The way they said it inferred that there was someone else here. “If there’s another girl here, they have to try on the shoe.”

“Cinderallen’s sick as a dog,” David said. “Been so since last night. No way she could be your dream girl.”

Just as he finished that sentence, Allen walked down the stairs wrapped in a blanket to get some tea. He stared at Lavi a moment, brain clouded with fever and not quite comprehending _who_ it was standing in the doorway or _why_ they could possibly be there. When it finally hit him, it was like he’d been struck by a thunderbolt.

He turned and dashed up the stairs. Lavi chased after him, and a good thing he did, too. Allen tripped on a stair, or perhaps slipped on his blanket, and fell. Lavi caught him and helped him back down the stairs and sat him down in an armchair. Cross didn’t look too happy about it, but didn’t complain to the prince.

“What are you doing here?” Allen asked, his voice hoarse.

“Finding my true love.” Allen couldn’t tell if Lavi was serious or not.

Kanda took the slipper and slid it on Allen’s bare foot. As expected, it fit like a glove. And like every other time they finished a story, Lavi went to kiss Allen, but before their lips could touch, the light engulfed them both. Allen suspected the book was taking pity on him, or perhaps it didn’t want to get Lavi sick, too. Whatever the reason, Allen really appreciated the momentary relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Koru- WHEEEEEEE!!!!
> 
> Sailor- Bet you can’t guess who’s responsible for the make out.
> 
> Allen- (votes for Sailor)
> 
> Lavi- (votes for Koru)
> 
> Koru- Review!


	9. To Love and Be Loved in Return

Allen had been dreaming, but he wasn’t sure about what when the dreams started fading. Maybe it had been father, like all his other dreams had been recently. Maybe it was about Lavi... He hoped it was about Lavi. Maybe things had been back to normal in the dream, with him and Lavi fighting Akuma again with Lenalee and Kanda and Allen’s crush still a secret.

But that was just a dream, and one he couldn’t remember. Dreams didn’t matter. What did matter was the waking world, and at the moment, that world was kind of weird.

Allen had opened his eyes only to find four female faces only inches from his own, staring worriedly. It took a few seconds for his fever-stricken brain to comprehend that he should be freaked out by this, and he reacted accordingly.

“Gah! What are you doing here?” he cried. He tried to scoot away from them, but there was a heavy weight on his chest, a weight named Road.

“Morning, Allen!” she said. “How are you feeling? Any better? Any worse?”

Thankfully, Allen didn’t have to answer. Cloud Nine had picked up Road and pulled her off his chest and ordered Miranda to fetch cold water and some cloth to cool his fever.

“Okay! I’ll do it,” Miranda said, her voice panicky. “I won’t screw up this time! I promise!” And so she scurried out of the room with Road right behind.

Cloud Nine then turned back to Allen. “Is there anything we can get you?”

“Water.” He hadn’t realized how thirsty he was. Probably because he was sweating so much. God, he felt gross. Then something else crossed his mind. “Hey, where are my clothes?”

Lenalee was the one who explained what had happened. “Well, we found you passed out in front of the castle soaking wet in a puddle of vomit.”

Allen swallowed hard. What little he’d eaten in the last story that hadn’t been thrown up then was coming up now. Cloud Nine spotted this and offered him a bucket.

Again, Allen swallowed back the bile and asked, “Where’s Lavi?”

Just as he said it, the door opened and Road came in, followed by a big furry red thing. Allen just stared at it a while before his brain finally connected. “Lavi?”

“Oh! So you do recognize me in the fur.” It was definitely Lavi’s voice, and he sounded far happier about his situation than he should have.

“You look like Elmo.”

“Really? I thought I looked more like a red furry tomato.” Lavi grinned. “I thought I’d just grown a goatee or something this morning, but when I looked in the mirror, I was all fuzzy. And pettable,” he added, stroking his arm as one would pet a cat. “I’m so soft; Allen, you should feel too!” He held out his arm to the sick boy.

Lenalee pushed his arm away. “Master, the girl’s sick and needs her rest. You shouldn’t be bothering her.”

Lavi frowned. “You’re still sick?”

Allen leaned over the bucket and coughed up some bile. There wasn’t much left in his stomach. “It’s worse than the last story.”

“What’d you do, walk through the rain or something?”

Allen groaned in response.

“You know what? Don’t answer. Just get some more sleep. We have all the time in the world right now.”

The white-haired exorcist looked up at Lavi, confused, so the redhead elaborated, “This is Beauty and the Beast. There are no bad guys in this story, which means there’s no one to kidnap, rape, kill, maim, traumatize, impregnate, or deprive you of sleep.”

Allen groaned and bent his head to the bucket again. He felt too sick to be pissed at Lavi’s list right then. “But don’t we have to move on?”

“Nope. We’ve got plenty of time. You just focus on getting better.” He paused and covered his nose. “And you should probably take a bath.”

Allen agreed, and with the help of Cloud Nine and Lenalee, was able to stumble off into the bathroom, where a huge hot steamy bath awaited him.

Once the two women were gone, he gratefully sunk into the scented water. When was the last time he’d even taken a shower? Too long ago.

He lost track of time, but he must have soaked for a while, for the bath was making his fingers and toes pruny. The only reason he considered getting out was because the heat was starting to make him dizzy.

Just as he got out of the water, the door opened, revealing Lavi in full naked furry glory. Allen stood there awkwardly, unable to pull his eyes away. He opened and closed his mouth a few times, but no sound came out. Nothing to save him, except Lavi’s mercy.

Lavi meanwhile, kept his eyes on Allen’s face and away from the boy’s nether regions. “Urk... Sorry, Allen. I thought you were done a while ago. Um... And it’s not like you have anything I haven’t seen before.”

Allen at last found his voice. “Y-yeah, but still...” He took a step back. Unfortunately, his foot landed on a bar of soap and slid right out from under him, and with a huge splash, he fell back into the pool-sized bath.

“There’s one more thing to add to the list,” Lavi muttered. “Allen, you okay?” But Allen didn’t rise to the surface. “Shit.” He jumped in and dragged out a coughing and spluttering Allen. Who was still naked.

“You gonna be okay?” Lavi inquired when he helped the white-haired boy out of the bath. Allen coughed some more but nodded. Then he remembered the cause of all this and snatched his towel and wrapped it around himself.

“I-I’m going back to bed.” He left the room.

Lavi stood there, contemplating something, then turned back to the bath with a quiet murmur of, “I’m still bigger.”

* * *

A couple days passed, and still Allen didn’t get any better. In fact, he seemed to be getting worse, if that was at all possible. His fever had spiked even higher after the incident in the bath, and it was all they could do to keep his temperature at a manageable level. It certainly tested Lavi’s medical knowledge, and for once he was grateful for the many gory lectures courtesy of Bookman.

“Am I gonna die?” Allen asked at some point. That was when his fever was low enough to speak coherently. Usually he just muttered nonsense.

“Of course not,” Lavi replied. He’d been hovering over his friend for days, and the worry was getting to him. Maybe his medical knowledge wasn’t enough. What was he to say, then, when the book at last freed them and Lavi had to explain Allen’s corpse? “Sorry, he kinda got sick and died on me”? That wasn’t going to fly, especially not with Howard Link.

“It’s not like there’s some miracle cure or something,” Allen muttered, closing his eyes and slipping into unconsciousness once again.

That gave Lavi an idea. He looked over at Lenalee, who was ringing water out of a rag to place on Allen’s forehead. “You!” he cried, pointing at her. “Go to town and find a miracle cure. Stat!”

The girl dabbed at Allen’s forehead, curtsied, and left to do as she was told. Lavi took his seat at Allen’s bedside and waited impatiently for her return. How long did it take to get to town? Ten minutes? An hour? A day? He hoped it wasn’t a day. Allen might be dead by then.

As before, Allen started muttering in his sleep. Lavi expected nonsense as usual, something about Jabberwockies or fanfiction. He wasn’t, however, expecting what came out of Allen’s mouth.

“Lavi...”

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Tim?”

“Tim’s not in this story far as I know.”

“Did he eat the pie again?”

This was the usual nonsense, and Lavi was more than prepared for it. “No, he didn’t eat the pie.”

“Lavi...?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you like me?”

That threw Lavi a little off. “Of course I like you. You’re my best friend.” Granted, he shouldn’t have friends as a Bookman.

“No, I mean _like_ me like me.”

That made no sense. “You’re a friend.”

“So you don’t want me?”

So it had finally come out. Allen _loved_ him. That was awkward, but he figured that out already. The story reflected Allen’s thoughts and feelings. The book was trying to get them together, that much was obvious. If the book was working for that goal, then Allen must have felt that way all along.

_It’s not like he’ll remember any of this, anyway,_ Lavi thought. _Might as well say what he wants to hear._ “Of course I want you,” he lied. “So much that it hurts. I can’t go a day without thinking about you. I always wanted to take you away from Link so that we could be alone together, so I could kiss you. And remember back when Road was controlling me and you hugged me? I wish I could’ve hugged back—” He stopped himself, shocked by his own words. He wasn’t lying. Everything he’d just said was _true._

He stood up. “I have to go.” But before he could leave, Allen took his hand.

“You aren’t lying, right?”

Lavi looked down at Allen’s face. The boy’s eyes were still closed, but Lavi suspected his face wasn’t red from just fever. “No, I’m not lying,” he said, wishing he could just stop the words from coming. “I wish you weren’t sick. I want to hold you and kiss you and do all the things we can’t do back in the real world. I want to make all the shadows following you go away. I want to make you _happy_.”

Allen opened his eyes, but they seemed to stare straight through Lavi. “Thank you.” His grip on Lavi’s hand was loosening. “I love you, Lavi...” His hand dropped back to the bed, limp and lifeless.

“Allen! Oh God, no, Allen!” Lavi took his hand and squeezed it. No response. “Allen, don’t die on me! Come on, Allen! Don’t give up! If you love me, you won’t die!”

A snore interrupted the beautifully sad moment, leaving Lavi at a complete loss for words. Allen muttered something about cake and turned his head away.

Lavi, meanwhile, twitched and slapped the unconscious Allen. “I’m gonna kill you for that!” he shouted, but he was relieved. He’d really believed Allen was going to die, and the thought hurt so much. That had to mean something, right?

The door opened, making Lavi jump. He spun around to face none other than Lenalee, returned with a small bottle in hand. “I brought the medicine,” she said, staring at Lavi’s face in wonder. He didn’t know what she was staring at, but that wasn’t important at the moment. What _was_ important was the medicine for Allen, which he snatched from her.

It smelled strongly of roses, but again, that didn’t matter. He shook Allen awake, and the boy blearily drank the bottle down. He smiled sleepily up at Lavi and closed his eyes. Some of the healthy glow was already returning to his cheeks.

Lavi looked at the bottle in his hand, “Wow, this stuff really _does_ work.”

“Well, you said to get a miracle cure, so I did. Cost a pretty penny too,” Lenalee replied.

“Why? How much did it cost?”

“One pretty penny.”

Lavi slapped his forehead, and in doing so, realized something. “Hey! I’m not furry anymore!” He felt like an idiot now. Of course he wasn’t furry. The beast’s curse was broken by falling in love and being loved in return. The story set it up that way. Allen already loved Lavi, leaving him to figure out his own feelings.

He couldn’t help but smile at Allen. _Screw Bookman’s rules. Wait, I want to do that to Allen._ His face turned red. _Bad brain! Bad!_

“Sir?”

“Er, you can leave now, Lenalee. He should be fine.” How’d he manage to keep his voice so steady? _“Because you’re practicing to seduce Allen,”_ said the voice in the back of his head.

_No! Bad brain! Even though that’s a great idea—No! Stop thinking!_

_Why? You know you want Allen to get better so you can—”_

_No! No! No!_ Lavi cried, but he could still hear his subconscious. That was the problem with learning to think on multiple levels to listen to multiple conversations at once. It meant you could talk to yourself on multiple levels at once.

_Then you force Allen against the wall and—”_

_No!_

_And then you can stick your—”_

_No!_

_“Then you can force him down on the bed while he begs for more and—”_

_NO!!!!!!!!!_

_“But you like that idea, don’t you?”_

Lavi felt his face get even redder. Yes. Yes he did. He _really_ liked that idea. He could just picture it in his mind’s eye. Allen under him, all sweaty, blushing, looking up at Lavi so trustingly and lovingly, panting as he begged. And Lavi, teasing Allen before giving him exactly what he wanted.

“Gah! Bad brain! Stop picturing it!” Lavi shouted, beating his head with his hands to clear away the image. “I get it, book! I’m in love with—!”

“Lavi?”

The Bookman Jr. in question spun around. Allen was wide awake and sitting up in bed. He looked much better than earlier, which made Lavi wonder exactly how long he’d been arguing with himself and fantasizing. “Um, yeah?”

Allen tilted his head. “You’re not furry anymore... And you’re talking to yourself. Should I ask why?”

“No. How long have you been awake?”

“You’re shouting woke me up.”

“Do you remember what I said to you before?”

“No. Why?”

Lavi felt the intense urge to bang his head against something hard. That lamp on the table was looking rather friendly...

“Um...” Allen’s voice drew Lavi’s eye away from the lamp he was just itching to beat himself over the head with. “I’m feeling a lot better now. Maybe we should just move on to the next story?”

“That’s a great idea,” Lavi managed to say. He crawled over the bed and leaned over Allen—who was blushing furiously at their bodies being so close—and kissed him. With tongues. Just like in Cinderella.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sailor- Three chapters in less than twenty-four hours... Impressive
> 
> Koru- I can’t wait for the next chapter! I get to write a special, special part.
> 
> Allen- Why does that scare me?
> 
> Lavi- Does it include more making out with Allen?
> 
> Allen- O.o I thought you only liked women!
> 
> Lavi- Er... Just asking. ‘cause I don’t want to do it. ‘cause I don’t swing that way. (shifty eyes) Don’t assume those things, Allen!
> 
> Koru- Review!


	10. A Tasty Treat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your smut courtesy of my friend Koru. She wrote the majority of this chapter, so you have her to thank for it.

The light faded, leaving Allen standing in the middle of a lane, once again wearing a dress. A short, frilly skirt, much like the one he wore in Wonderland, but this time with a little red hood with pom poms hanging from the ties. The only thing good about it was that in his hand was a big basket brimming with cookies. A lot of cookies.

_One won't be missed,_ Allen thought, sneaking a cookie. And another. And another. Soon half the basket was gone. Allen stared at it, then thought, _Oh crap._ Whatever the cookies were for, he'd soon be in big trouble with whoever they were for. Then before his eyes, the cookies regenerated and piled up.

It took a few minutes for the multiplication of cookies sink in. A huge grin spread across Allen's face. "Awesome!"

"Little Red, is that you?"

Allen looked up from his basket of regenerating cookies to see none other than Tiedoll with a sketchbook under his arm. "Um... Sure?"

"Off to your grandma's again?"

_Grandma's...?_ It finally clicked. He was in Little Red Riding Hood. But how could that lead to him and Lavi kissing? Well, that didn't matter. "Yes. Um... Which way is it again?"

"Over the river and through the woods," Tiedoll chimed back at him.

Allen had no idea which wys he was supposed to go; he didn't even know where the river was located. "Uh... thanks?" Allen wasn't sure if it was even worth thanking Tiedoll for. His feet started to carry him off in a direction and he soon found himself at the river. Problem was, there wasn't a bridge, and the river was more like rapids.

"Now what...?" Allen grumbled. Under normal circumstances, Allen would have just gone through the river, but in a dress with a self-refilling basket of cookies, that would be impossible. He'd have to look for that God damn bridge, but which way was it?

In the end, he decided to walk north a short way and eventually stumbled upon a rickety old wooden bridge like one out of an action movie, complete with missing planks and fraying ropes. It looked like it would collapse under any form of stress, and Allen was rather heavy. He had been eating all of those regenerating cookies after all. Allen looked down at the basket of sugary goodness and stole yet another cookie.

"What to do..." Allen muttered, crunching on a cookie as he thought. The bridge was the only way across; therefore, he had to cross this bridge. Would it hold his weight? Probably not, but he had to cross.

_But Lavi's probably at Grandma's,_ Allen thought, squinting to see the opposite side of the river. Beyond the trees he could just barely see a cottage of some sort. _Wait a minute..._

The book had spent all its time trying to get him and Lavi together. It wouldn't make it impossible for Allen to reach him now. This had to be some kind of test. It was seeing if Allen was willing to cross this rickety bridge for Lavi—trial by fire, so to speak.

_So it can't be dangerous,_ Allen decided, though when he looked down at the rotting boards, he had to wonder if his theory was correct.

Allen placed one steady foot onto the rickety bridge. It began to sway underneath him, but he had no choice but to take another step. "This doesn't seem that bad." Before he knew it, he was halfway across the bridge and the cottage was coming more into view.

"Almost there!" Allen concentrated, trying not to disturb the bridge any more than he already had. A large wind gusted by and the bridge swayed.

He almost fell. Almost. He managed to keep his grip on the wet rope railing, though he did lose half his regenerating cookies in the process. Still, he was sick of the bridge and ran the remaining way across.

As soon as his feet touched the solid ground on the opposite side of the bridge, he collapsed to catch his breath and try to slow his racing heart. "I swear, I'm going to rip this book to pieces as soon as we're out of here," he grumbled to himself. At least the cottage wasn't much farther. He got up, brushed off his dress, stuffed a few more cookies in his mouth, and walked over to the cottage.

He knocked. No answer. He knocked louder. There was a rustling inside. "Lavi?" he called. _Well, if this is supposed to be my grandma's house... _He opened the door slowly and peeked inside, when the door flung open and Lavi stood in the doorway.

"Lavi!" Allen squeaked out nervously. "W-what are you doing here?" He couldn't help but notice the tail protruding from Lavi's backside and ears perked up in place upon his head. "You look ridiculous." He picked up his basket of goodies.

Lavi's face turned red. He gazed upon Allen. "Y-you look… well… you look great!" Lavi pulled Allen inside the cottage. He closed the door and watched Allen stand awkwardly in the middle of the large room.

There was a table next to the fireplace where flames heated up the room. Allen set his magical basket on it and then blushed at the way Lavi was staring at him. "What is it, Lavi?" Allen pulled at his extremely short skirt, getting that feeling that Lavi was undressing him with his eyes yet again.

"Uh- I just think that we won't be needing those cookies." Lavi held his chin and looked Allen up and down. "I think I know how to get out of this one."

"This one?"

"This story."

"Oh." Allen glanced around the rest of the room. All that there was, other than the table, in the room was a bed. A very large bed that looked tempting for both exorcists. "How? Doesn't the grandmother in the story get eaten by the wolf, and then when Little Red Riding Hood comes along, being me, the wolf, being you, tries to eat her too?" Allen was confused. He had no idea how Lavi was planning on getting out of this one.

_Am I going to do this?_ Lavi asked himself. _I guess it's too late to turn back now._ Lavi strode towards Allen. He was standing so close to the bed, all Lavi had to do was gently, and playfully, pull Allen down to the mattress with him. "Allen."

"Yeah?" Lavi could tell that his friend was nervous beyond everything else. Lavi took the chance and pulled Allen down to the bed, hovering over top of him ever so slightly. "Lavi!" Allen's cheeks filled with almost all the blood in his body. "W-what are you doing?"

"I guess I'll have to eat you." Lavi grinned while licking his lips to mess with Allen.

"B-but that's cannibalism!" Allen shrieked. He turned his face away from Lavi and tried wriggling free from underneath the redhead. Allen loved the way he was being looked at, but he was also full of nerves. "Lavi!"

As Lavi took all of Allen in with his eyes, noticed a small cut on Allen's thigh, which he’d probably gotten somewhere in the woods on the way without noticing. "Allen, you do know that there is another kind of cannibalism, don't you?" Lavi held Allen's hips. He was blushing fiercely. His cheeks were almost as red as his own hair.

"Lavi!" Allen shrieked when he felt Lavi's tongue on his wound. "Ew! Stop that!" Allen thought of kicking Lavi off of him, but his body seemed paralyzed. Allen wanted this, he knew he did, but he also thought it was way too soon for stuff like this.

“How am I going to eat you without tasting you first?” Lavi asked while licking Allen once more. “By the way, you taste really good.”

Allen began fidgeting. The presence of Lavi on top of him was overwhelming, but when the hammer-wielding exorcist moved his hands under Allen’s skirt, all motion ceased. It was like the book had gone this far just to show how much the two cared for each other and how much they were willing to give each other. “Lavi...”

Lavi stopped for just a moment to glance up at Allen. The expression of fright on Allen’s face replaced itself with one of euphoria. Lavi felt the compelling need to run his thumb under the frill of Allen’s feminine panties. That action caused Allen to fidget, but in a way that made Lavi try even harder to get his hand in them. “Lavi!” Allen cried out. Lavi stopped immediately, thinking that he was doing something wrong and hurting Allen, rather than causing pleasure for him.

“What!? What?! I’m sorry! I thought we- you know- I could- GAH!” He ruffled his hair in frustration. “Did I do something wrong?” He wasn’t sure if he had or not. He hadn’t really done this before to a guy, let alone a girl. The girls were all for show. Nothing really happened between him and them, no matter how much they tried.

“Actually Lavi,” Allen said while sitting up on the bed, his legs sprawled around Lavi’s. “You’re doing it perfectly. There just needs to be a little bit more of what you’re doing.” Allen smiled, almost mischievously, while pulling Lavi back down on top of him.

“Oh thank God, I thought my skills had left me completely. That would have been horrible.” Lavi sighed with relief and moved his hands back down to Allen’s short, frilly skirt. “You’re sure about this, Allen?”

“Yes. This book wants what I want, and this is it.” Allen didn’t fight the feeling of _I-shouldn’t-be-doing-this_ anymore. He just took it like a man, or like the feminine uke he was.

Lavi flopped onto his back and hauled Allen on over with him. He caressed Allen’s cheek and kissed him softly before moving onto some serious tongue action. So what if back at the Order people thought this was wrong? It didn’t look like Allen cared, so why would Lavi?

Lavi had managed to remove the frilly panties from Allen, and he threw them away from the bed. They landed in Allen’s magical regenerating cookie basket, but neither would notice until long after they finished. The cookies would never be eaten again.

Lavi kissed Allen passionately. He couldn’t believe he was actually doing this to Allen. He had wanted to for the past couple of stories. The events that had passed by in the stories that they were in made him feel even more for Allen.

Allen straddled Lavi’s lap and had a severe blush on his face. “Lavi, I can’t do this by myself.” That was true. Lavi still had his pants on, and the part that was inside said pants wanted to be freed.

For a moment they stopped what they were doing. Allen ripped off his red skimpy clothes and then helped Lavi with his own.

They both breathed in deeply, and Lavi ravished Allen in passionate kisses. _His body is so small._ Lavi commented inside his mind. Allen did have a small figure, but it was perfect in Lavi's eyes.

"Did I do something wrong?" Allen asked timidly. The reason why he asked was because Lavi had been so lost in thought that he had ceased all his advancements on Allen.

"Oh! Sorry!" Lavi blushed. He found himself in the perfect sexual situation. Allen was on top of him, they were both naked, and both waiting eagerly for the other to try something new.

Lavi rested his hands on Allen’s small hips. They continued their touching of one another until Allen placed his own pale hands on Lavi's manhood. "Woah Allen! Not to rough," Lavi complained, but still loved it all the way.

"You can't have all the fun," Allen said sexily, slowly rubbing his thumb over the tip of Lavi's member.

_Oh Geez._ Lavi moaned. Allen used more force, forcing another moan from Lavi's lips. Through the euphoric pleasure, Lavi rested his hand on Allen's cheek. "I love you."

The small, white-haired exorcist stopped. The last time he’d heard 'I love you' from someone was back when Mana was still alive. But somehow, this time, the meaning hit deeper.

Next thing Lavi knew, he was being taken in by Allen's mouth. Who knew the younger exorcist knew how to do that kind of stuff so skillfully?

Lavi arched his neck back and clutched a pillow with one hand and part of Allen's white tuft of hair with the other. "Oh man." Things were really heating up.

Allen released Lavi from his powerful suck and smiled, licking some liquid from his lips. Lavi felt so embarrassed when he saw Allen's grinning face. "Your turn now?" Allen asked gingerly.

A grin of his own appeared on Lavi's face. He wrenched his body up from the pillow top bed. He pulled Allen close and kissed him once more. "Are you really, really, _really_ sure about all this?"

Allen sighed heavily. "Lavi," he straddled Lavi's naked lap once more, "if I wasn't completely sure about this... it would have never happened." Allen pulled up and sat on his own knees. He was hovering right above the dirty deed.

Allen dropped down and both exorcists felt each other in different ways. Once more Lavi thrust and Allen moaned, but then the dreadful light engulfed them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sailorstar - You’re cruel
> 
> Koru - I know... but I still gave them yaoi!
> 
> Lavi - just when it was getting good...
> 
> Allen - I'm still naked...


	11. And They Lived Happily Ever After?

The book flipped open, as if blown open in a gust of wind, and as the pages flipped from beginning to end, the two exorcists shot out from the creases. Link picked up the book and raised a questioning eyebrow at the two.

“Ah! Link!" The color rose to Allen's cheeks, and he moved to cover himself, only to realize he was once again wearing his gloves, coat, and pants. "Oh, thank God..."

Lavi, meanwhile, was a little disappointed. "Stupid book," he grumbled, standing up and brushing himself off. "How long were we in there?"

"Maybe ten minutes," Howard Link replied, holding the book under his arm where it wouldn't mistakenly open again.

Allen accepted Lavi’s help in standing, then let out a small cry of, “Ow! Ow, pain.”

Link shook his head. “That’s it. Vegetables for a year, Walker. You were not supposed to touch the book.” He then turned to Lavi. “And as for you, I’ll personally make sure Bookman hears about this.”

Both gulped and looked at each other. Was it worth it? Totally.

And as they walked back, Link leading the way with the two in tow, Allen slipped his hand into Lavi’s. He looked up at Lavi questioningly. The redhead winked. Their fairy tale would continue as soon as they could shake off Howard Link.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sailorstar: Woot. Finally done.
> 
> Allen: Well, that was a short lame chapter.
> 
> Sailorstar: Just like you.
> 
> Lavi: But… where’s the rest of the sex?
> 
> Koru: In our next cowrite. Go read it when we post it.


End file.
